The Feeding Ground

Since last we met...

2011-10-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

Finished Emma by Jane Austen. Started Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver to keep me at my essential nine books in progress!

Made my goal of over 15 miles at 15.2 miles for the week.

Came up with an idea for my next story. Still thinking...and thinking...and thinking about it! I sent my last story out to friends and family to read, which I have never done before, so that was interesting.

Getting myself in order with my relationships by making sure I am spending the right time and energy valuing each that matters to me - making dates, keeping commitments, reconnecting, connecting for the first time. Spending a lot of time with Jonny and my love and my seester.

I have been cooking up a storm. Our newest experiment this week will be to recreate a day in the menu of Transcend. So here's what we have selected:

Israeli Breakfast
Pome-Grapefruit Shake
Autumnal Squash Soup
Corn Chowder
Scallop & Bleu Cheese Salad
Steeped Tofu Slices
Brussels Saute
Lemony Caraway Carrots

Tomorrow afternoon will consist of a trip to Whole Foods and much cooking.

It's getting real in the Muffin-verse!

2011: As we come near to the end of the journey...

2011-10-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

In reading news since my last update from most recent to furthest back I have completed:

24. Before Dishonor by Peter David
23. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
22. Sense & Sensibility by Jane Austen
21. Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman and Greg Mckeown
20. Evening by Susan Minot
19. Switched by Amanda Hocking
18. Songs for a Teenage Nomad by Kim Culbertson
17. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
16. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
15. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
14. Leaving Home: Short Pieces by Jodi Picoult
13. Service Included by Phoebe Damrosch
12. Tender at the Bone: Gorwing Up at the Table by Ruth Reichl
11. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
10. The Servants by Michael Marshall Smith
9. Harbinger by Jack Skillingstead
8. Food Rules by Michael Pollen
7. Harvey by Herve Bouchard and Janice Nadeau

I am still working on these with the reason I started it in parentheses which will give an indication of why it hasn't been finished yet (either because it's dragging or I must have it on my plate even though my plate is SOOOOOO full):

Literary Theory: A Very Short Introduction by Jonathan Culler (because it's good for me)
The City and the City by China Mieville (because it's supposed to be so amazing)
Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? by Seth Grodin (I was looking for a business book I'd like)
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (it was recommended by my Boss' Boss)
Unpossible by Darryl Gregory (because he's super cool and neat and awesome and the stories rock)
Emma by Jane Austen (because it's Jane!)
Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell 25 by Richard Paul Evans (because my dad picked it for me)
Socrates by Robert Silverberg (because I have a study buddy)
The Friendly Shakespeare by Norrie Epstein (because I want to begin brushing up on my bard)

I have run or walked 339.7 miles which is an average of 1.15 miles per day (Increased slightly from 1.12 avg at 23 weeks in!) I have 12 lbs left to get to my ideal weight of 138...if that is ideal. We will have to see. But as an adult that is the lowest I have ever weighed, and incidentally lower than I weighed at the age of 14.

In writing news I completed March, June, and September submissions to WotF Contest. Working on 4th story idea now. I was pleased with the thought process that went into my lat story which, when I went to write it, helped one scene flow into the next more easily.

Jonny is doing well in school, and we are doing well in our relationship. We're spending more time together and playing more games, etc. His teacher picked him to be in her class again this year, which is amazing, especially in light of the trouble we have gone through with the school's suspicions of ADHD. We are proving them wrong every day.

I got my finances in order, found a new investment guy, got my money where I want it and my questions answered. I got a new job that has the same great money and almost no travel. I have the support of those who matter. And daily I learn to care less. Success multiplies from success.

Jonny and I have moved to the other side of our sleepy city of Irvine. Better quality of life. Happy little family. Happy little home. We have Sunday dinner with whoever shows up every week. I no longer feel like I have to "pack a weekend bag" or rush to and fro. I have my new supplement regimen, therapy regimen, massage regimen, eating plan, fitness schedule, and I am considering hot yoga. I will travel more for pleasure than for work, and I will be able to cook dinner during the week to detox from the day. It's going to be a very peaceful 2012 as we settle in - I am going to start to settle in for the first time in a really long time.

I have a lot to look forward to as this year's journey comes to an end. I am learning and growing and laughing a lot. A final trip for pleasure to Seattle, one of my favorite places, and a first trip planned for next year to San Francisco, another of my favorite places. I am spending more time doing the important stuff with the important people. And surrounded by my favorite monsters, I am in bliss.

Food Ennui

2011-06-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

I have been experiencing the dissatisfied palate of one who thinks she can do much better. And so with every bite I issue myself a challenge: how would you do this in YOUR restaurant when you get YOUR golden chance to make your way?

Maple Bourbon Pecan Pie but vegan...Portabello Benedict with sauteed garlic spinach that's not runny or rubbery...Hot Garlic Vegetables where the peppers have been sliced julienne rather than in huge chunks.

Some day.

Pictured above Spicy "Chorizo" Cauliflower. Yummy.

Magic in unexpected places!

2011-06-21T21:36:00.001-07:00

In a place where a large part of the population lives by dictums handed down by the Angel Moroni, interpreted by a relatively untrustworthy individual who gazed upon a stone in a hat, who then changed pretty much every word, one might expect there to be too much confusion for beauty. To the contrary my visits to Salt Lake City these past couple weeks have been filled with the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of all kinds of wonderful delights and enchantments.

I have had some lovely walks where I could smell the flowers in front yard gardens from fifty feet away. I have eaten in exceptional restaurants rich with character derived from eclectic decor, passionate and personable owners, and menus ranging from authentic Nepalese to modern Mexican fusion.

I am adding another city to the places I could live and am looking forward to returning.

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Day 2 & 3!

2011-05-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

EQ ***
IQ ***
BQ ***
SQ **
MQ ***

Both days were kind of...eh.

Grappling with the big questions in life and human behavior can be anticlimactic!

Day 1 Reboot!

2011-05-28T21:10:00.001-07:00

It's not cheating...it's self correcting.

I have developed a star system in alignment with my blossoming foodie obsession. It's a four star scale.

EQ (Emotions) ***
IQ (Intellect) ***
BQ (Body) ****
SQ (Spirit) ***
MA (Motherhood) ***

These are the ways I measure myself...my success as a person. To most this kind of accounting would seem ridiculous. But a life well lived is rarely unexamined. Only to a random few does fate bestow such an enchantment of fortune and happiness.

I'm aiming for four stars across the board. And then I may just have to start measuring in Michelin!

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Day One

2011-05-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

Living mindfully is hard, especially when you are:

Addicted to multi-tasking, while still OCD
Overly emotional, yet terribly rational and self-aware
Driven by a compulsive need to socialize and be liked

...and I am all of these things.

So I set for myself a goal of just three days to start to be more mindful and make better choices. Here are my insights:

A relatively productive day at work that unfortunately generated more action items than were completed.
A pretty smooth day with Jonny including dinner at Dave & Busters for a school function, minimal crying, ending on a high even with me PMSing.
Worked on Rosetta Stone - felt nice.
Worked on some financial/administrative tasks - organizing.
Read - relaxing.
Journaled - cleansing.
Made overall good food choices, but too much rice at dinner.
Did not drink enough water - dehydrated.

"Not ruins, Jude - I don't care for them."

2011-03-05T15:01:00.001-08:00

I don't know why this made me laugh out loud, but it did!

I am enjoying reading this classic for the second time, especially on a day like today where my self-esteem is at a low point and I'm feeling kind of dumb.

This particular quote captures the theme in the novel of the tension between social mores and modern ideas at the time when Hardy wrote it. Sue is written as an embodiment of this tension. At another time the same character describes herself as "more ancient than mediaevalism." What she wants is in conflict with what she can have, what she's been taught is in conflict with what she hungers to learn, who she loves is different than who she's promised to marry. She's as conflicted as I am.

I love ruins! I find myself feeling more defined in space and time in places where the history defines the landscape.

I'm having a crisis of personality...which have become fairly regular over the course of my short life. I feel the need to define myself in new terms.

It will be interesting to see who or what emerges, phoenix that I am, and whether I come out unscathed or freshly inked. It's moments like these I find myself under the needle again.

Simplicity: Make the choices that support the life you want!

2011-02-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

I wake up. It's 7am. Only 7 hours of sleep but I'm too excited to sleep anyway.

I head to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, and then sit down at my desk to check my email, and then maybe finish off the hour curled up on the couch with a second cup of tea and whatever book I'm reading.

After spending the first hour of my day relaxing it's time for a little exercise. Yoga first, and then a short run. Body feels good, mind feels clear.

Now for a shower, and to get ready for work. Plenty of time to be into the restaurant...that's right...by 10am.

Foods been prepped according to the day's menu, and time to start cooking for lunch service. Cook, cook, cook, clean, clean, clean. Eat. Dinner service...cook, cook, cook, clean, clean, clean...

And home again at midnight to do it all over tomorrow.

This is my dream life. This is my goal. And every choice between now and then needs to support it. That, and my loving partner, my beautiful son, my caring family and my every life's experience as I seek to have a fulfilled and happy existence.

But no one said simple was easy. They say restaurant owners have to love people, know how to multitask, and be able to thrive under pressure. There IS a reason I'm the social, multi-tasking, stress-seeking procrastinator that I always loathed to be growing up!

So it's important to keep my priorities straight so that every choice, every moment contributes to my future happiness:

Family - My Blood and My Chosen

Health - Physical and Mental

Learning - Through Reading and Writing

Experience - COOKING, Travel, Caring for Others, Trying New Things!

How lucky I am that I have a goal, and how happy to spend my every moment trying to fulfill it.

Happy Valentine's Day to me!

2011-02-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

So what is my Valentine's gift to myself?

32.1 miles (plus 4.15 today!)

3 books completed (with 2 more in progress)

4994 words (need 1756 to get to an avg of 150 per day...plus the 150 per day moving forward)

2 crafts complete (3rd in progress is a blue infinity scarf)

parenting is in progress...ALWAYS...(had a great day with Jonny today)

relationship in progress...ALWAYS...(had a great weekend with my honey)

work: awesome and super awesome (I am...yes I am!)

And happiness and security and faith in myself and in what the future holds.

I will *love* myself in all of my parts called from within me.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Month 1: Freedom!

2011-01-31T22:24:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say that because it looked like so much fun when Jon Stewart did it. But freedom is a good word - freedom from lethargy and procrastination...for the most part. I even put my Sims 2 games up on Craig's List today - no more mind sucking solo. I still have Lego HP Years 1-4 to finish on the Wii with Jonny, and more Wii games to enjoy in the future. (Would love to get a Wii Fit!) But the computer is for work, which is what I am doing right now x3!

Writing is on track. with tonight's word count I have finished a total of 3892 words giving me a run rate of 46,704...very close to 50,000 which would be fun to hit. I could do National Novel Writing Month and get myself up to near 100,000 - Wow! I am certainly getting ambitious. But truly I am just happy to have met my commitment to myself.

I finished Book #3: Agatha Christie's Peril at End House.

I enjoyed it and it was a quick read, although there were examples of how a well regarded, highly sought after author who rakes in the dough for the publishing houses can get away with the most untidy prose - redundant passages, relying heavily upon cliches and stereotypes. But I am not a time-and-again published author. I have nothing to say on the matter.

Id was so much fun to read Hercule Poirot after seeing him masterfully interpreted by the acclaimed David Suchet. I could see him in every line f dialogue, and in the mannerisms Agatha Christie describes. He was so spot on, or perhaps my imagination has been infected by him. But wither way it added to my enjoyment of the novel.

In health I have been fairly good with my supplements, have fought off a terrible cold for only a mild one, and have been taking care to manage myself especially well while on trips. I have take up with protein shakes again and bring my powder with me when I travel to avoid unhealthy snacking and meals. I look forward to the remaining months bringing me into stricter adherence to my health goals. I am determined this year to lose the remaining weight that has been plaguing me for a few years now. I have anywhere from 10-20 pounds depending on how I feel after the first 10, and perhaps a little dependent upon how I look, but less so.

February has always been my month each year where I start to make the greatest strides in my goals especially around health & fitness. I am extremely excited, on that note, to record that I have already completed 24 miles in the month of January - an average of about 6 per week. That will now continue to increase steadily until I am hitting 10 miles a week, or approx. 40 per month.

My relationship with Jonathan is good, and my other relationships as well. I will finally this year make the commitment to stop raising my voice. It has been so automatic, but I know I can get it under control from my experience working with the customers I had to speak with during my time working the graveyard shift. The louder they would get, the quieter I would become - and it works too!

I have not yet started Rosetta Stone but will in February. I have completed one scarf, and one batch of organic doggie biscuits in my crafting. I have recorded a few 'definites' and several 'maybes' in my recipe book for my restaurant.

Work is good, although busy. I have been traveling a lot which is not glamorous, but exhausting. Still it pays the bills and I am so grateful to be working...and for a company that provides so well for me financially...and seems to value my work.

2011, before it is over, will also signify freedom from the laws of physics as I set out to prove that what goes up does not necessarily ever have to come down.

Books #1 and #2

2011-01-25T23:40:00.000-08:00

Book #1: Getting Things Done

My boss had lent this book to me last year at some point as part of my growth and development plan. And since then I have had a job change, losing him as my boss, and then getting him back again! At any rate, I think the first step in getting things done is to not procrastinate about it. So I thought it was long overdue that I should read this.

I found some good insights about organizing my work. February will definitely be a transition month from my old ways into these new ways - making sure I am always either planning my work, doing predetermined work, or doing work as it comes up. The book also reinforced the need to move away from a "to-do" list model which is so easy to fall back into. I had taken a class on managing work in the new millennium that taught me to "Face the Beast" and "Do Complete Work" using my "Recording Tool"-basically all the same concepts. In a nutshell instead of making a list of things to do you need a few different tools and places to organize your work: a "Project List" to keep track of everything you are working on, a "Next Actions" sheet for every project, and a "Calendar" (outlook, day planner, etc.) to keep track of when you will work all these next actions, etc.

It feels really good, and seems to work really well. It takes some getting used to writing things down on sheets of paper versus in a notebook. And it's never fun to be in transition. BUT it feels really nice to be on the road to being even more organized, and therefore better able to live in the moment, which is the key to eliminating stress.

Book #2: Valentine Pontifex

After Lord Valentine's Castle and then then Majipoor Chronicles I was craving more Majipoor!

I really enjoyed seeing Valentine finish the work he began when he took his place on the Confalume thrown with newly opened eyes and mad juggling skills. The story was well crafted, the characters real, the setting alive and enchanting. Valentine never let me down - Never! I don't recall a more compelling hero that carried me with him every step of the way, never leaving me wondering why he made a particular choice. The world was so complete in every detail, and I was so deeply immersed in it that I was with him as though it were my own personal Neverending Story.

I am only sad that it is up to my own imagination to envision the reign of Lord Hissune. In my dreams I will be in Pilipok awaiting the grand processional. Maybe I will get a sending from the Lady herself!

Another Year

2011-01-01T19:11:00.000-08:00

Recently went to see the film Another Year at the theater. Most of the audience consisted of people in middle and later age. Without spoiling it, the movie is mostly centered around one middle aged married couple in Britain, their son, their family, and their friends. It depicts their life as peaceful. They each enjoy their work. They each enjoy and love and take comfort in one another. They live a life that seems to have had all the kinks worked out of it, and now just runs smoothly. And the film captures this peace and clarity in contrast to the lives of those around them who experience great loss or extreme dysfunction over the course of the passing seasons from Spring to Winter.

I loved it. The characters were so real. The confidence that comes from a healthy relationship amplified onto the larger screen like that was so beautiful. And the pain felt by those who hadn't in their lives achieved such connection became tangible.

But the odd thing was that the rest of the audience, at least those vocal about it, really disliked it - I mean regretted paying money for it. This film was "Certified Fresh" on Rotten Tomatoes at 90%. And these were the folks that should have related to the film most of all - either in joy or in pain. Perhaps their callouses that prevent them from connecting in the outside world have grown too thick. Or maybe the movie was too true for them.

But I loved it, and thought it an appropriate segue into summing up my accomplishments for 2010 and map out my goals for 2011.

Wrote 4 stories, (mostly), but only sent off 2 to Writers of the Future. Had a freak out the month I submitted my divorce documents and didn't get the story in before the deadline, and then lost my 5000 word story for the first quarter three days before the end of the year. My goal for 2011 is 6 stories. That gives me two months each, and all should be polished.

Read 24 books in total, and have quite a few others started. Book #21 was the Majipoor Chronicles, Book #22 was Death in Winter, Book #23 was Resistance, and Book #24 was Q & A.

Ended up at 145 lbs and that is not where I want to be by any stretch of the imagination. My biometric screening was good, with the one watch item as my cholesterol. My BMI will go down as my weight goes down in 2011. I got my running up to 2.7 miles without stopping. Was pretty regular overall with my supplements. For 2011 I ordered my genome mapping kit from 23andme.com. There is still a good deal for $199 (usually $499) if you want to take advantage of it. I was able to get the holiday special of $99. I am going to break out the Cool Running training program again to work myself back up to 5k. And I will begin really living by the "hara hachi bu" principle of eating to 80% of full.

In parenting and relationships I have made good strides. I am in a relatively healthy place with everyone and becoming more so with myself. My goals for 2011 are to spend more quality time with Jonny, be very honest and true self in my interactions with others (although more guarded and not as open at work), and to spend time doing the things I want to do with the people who are important to me.

I pretty much flopped at meditation, crafts, Rosetta Stone: Spanish, and will work more on all of these things in 2011.

I will practice a more balanced approach to work in 2011, making sure that when I am working I am focused so I can get it done, and get out of there. I will strive to keep my time away from work for myself and my loved ones.

I will be traveling quite a bit in 2011, mostly for work, but for fun as well. In April Jonny and I are still considering our options, but we may be able to get to Orlando for our annual Spring Break vacation. I will be going to Reno in August from Renovation. I have a possible trip to Canada, and then several trips all over the Western US for work: Albuquerque, Bellevue, Chandler, El Paso, Rancho Cordova, and Salt Lake City. I'm becoming a regular travel aficionado as evidenced by my supreme efficiency in getting through airport security checkpoints.

The things I need to work on most in 2011 are finding my peace, living up to my potential, practicing compassion, and living in gratitude for all that I have, and all that I am becoming so 2011 will be more for me than just another year.

Anais Nin

2010-11-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

What is true for me:

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."

What I want to be true of me:

"If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the absence of fever, then I will never know happiness. For I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience, and creation."

What I hope I am capable of:

"The role of of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."

She was a smart broad.

PMS sucks.

One month!

2010-11-10T20:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a month! I am not going to let this get away from me!

As always on my birthday I set some goals and make plans for the next year of my life. And as always the period between my birthday and New Year's Day becomes so hectic that I soon realize New Year's is the master reset button that actually sticks.

So here's a quick update:

Work:

Got a new job, which requires much more travel - so far Albuquerque, NM and El Paso, TX and I have been on the job one week. Waiting to see if I get the raise necessary to make it worth while. Either way didn't have much choice in the matter. Lots of visibility + lots of credibility = lots of work.

Writing:

Received my rejection for 3rd quarter of WOTF. Still waiting on results from 4th quarter. And need to work on story for 1st quarter due on 12/31. Haven't really done too much with it yet - still hashing out ideas. So all in I will likely get to complete 4 stories this year. It would be nice to match last year's 5 so as not to backslide.

Reading:

Book #18 - Softspoken by Lucius Shepard
Book #19 - Shaka II by Mike Resnick
Book #20 - Lord Valentine's Castle by Robert Silberverg - In Progress
Book #21 - Literary Theory: A Very Short Introduction by Jonathan Culler - In Progress
Book #22 - The Art of War for Writers by James Scott Bell - In Progress

With just under 8 weeks to go I still want to hit my revised goal of 30 books.

Health:

Recently completed a biometric scan and here are the results:

Height - 5'4" (Doesn't change much!)
Weight - 145 lbs. (I'd like to work on this a bit more in 2011.)
BMI - 24.9 (HIGHEST POSSIBLE Normal - not so good.)
Blood Pressure - 118/62 (Under duress and so pretty good.)
Cholesterol - 168 mg/dL (Normal)
HDL - 63mg/dL (Lowest risk!)
Triglycerides - 81 mg/dL
LDL - 90 mg/dL (Normal)
CHOL/HDLC - 2.7 (Lowest risk!)
Glucose (Fasting) - 80 mg/dL (Just right!)

Can run 3 miles, which was the goal I set out to achieve! But still only on a VERY good day, under PERFECT conditions, which means my opportunity is consistency.

Relationships:

Jonny - Excellent! Although with the additional travel it's going to take more effort.
Honey - Excellent! Communication is the key!
Mom - Good. She wants more time with me, so need to work on this.
Dad - Good, but hard to gauge. He's a man of few words.
Brother - So-so. He's a holiday relative unfortunately.
Sister - Great! She's a 'Sunday Dinner' fixture, thank goodness!
Friends - I have been doing a mediocre job at best of keeping up with my friends and commitments. People whose lives are busy like mine are understanding and people who haven't yet had kids can't really understand where I'm at, being both a parent and a single-mom, and maintaining a relationship with a partner who does not live with me, and still managing my work, and taking care of myself.

"Things that need to end will end.
Things that I need to continue will go on.
I will be the person I want to be in all aspects.
I will not feel the need to compromise who I am.
I will wait here in the darkness refining myself, and in the spring we'll see what will become of it."

Cooking Soprano Style

2010-10-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend I cooked a feast of modified meals from The Soprano Family Cookbook.

Here are the dishes I tried:

Sunday Gravy

Ziti al Forno

Eggplant Parmigiana

Almond Torte

Neopolitan-Style Stuffed Peppers

Shrimp Scampi

Rollatine di Pesce Spada

I was able to keep everything within my dietary constraints substituting for brown rice pasta, and using vegetarian meatballs and italian sausage from Trader Joe's for the Sunday Gravy. I used sugar substitute and Earth Balance in the Almond Torte and used Trader Joe's 100% raspberry fruit spread for the filling. I used panko bread crumbs for extra texture where the recipe called for bread crumbs. The scampi was my least favorite, but it was rushed, and in general I prefer my shrimp spicy rather than buttery. The swordfish was excellent, and it was fun to pound the fish.

Eating this food while watching the show definitely added to the experience! As it happens with cooking Italian food I made enough for an army, and so was able to accomplish my cooking for the whole week.

I plan on picking more recipes next week!

Countdown: The 13th Week

2010-10-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

9 miles - ok

Finished #17 The Reader

I wasn't too impressed. I think the book was more acclaimed than was merited based on the subject matter. WWII and the genocide of the Jews is sensational, especially when the bad guy is a beautiful woman, now wrapped up in our minds in the pretty package of Kate Winslet. The writing reported the story rather than weaving a spell over me. I found the first half of the book to be emotional manipulative. Then the same narrator who was overwrought as a fifteen year old boy becomes a cold fish in the latter part of the story, and made me wonder if that depth of feeling could have existed in him in the first place. His detachment makes it hard for me to relate to him. And in the end the ambiguity of the narrator's regard for his once mistress leaves me thinking the author lacks the conviction to allow his character to make a stand that will define his relationship with this woman, in case it might alienate me the reader. In the end I feel like the narrator just doesn't care, and I wonder why he told me the story in the first place.

Started #18 Lord Valentine's Castle

Started #19 Softspoken

1 hour of meditation

10 min of yoga - pitiful

Need to find my next story...it's in here

Great week with Jonny - but more testing and fighting and struggling with school on the horizon

Persephone Descends

2010-09-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

As I went down to the river to pray, studying about that good ol' way...

It's the time of the year to pull into oneself and think about the year that's past, and the year to come. Harvest is done. It's going to get cold and dark, and best is to huddle around a fire and review the life lessons sent to occupy a quiet mind.

This year has been a big one for me in so many ways, what with the divorce, and going through my first real year of single parenthood, and getting adjusted in a new job, and a new relationship, and a new apartment, and a new routine. At this time last year all of this was just beginning, and now it's all settling down.

I look forward to winding down, taking it slow, and having a nice long autumn-and-winter-think about it. The holidays are coming up, and I'm trying not to get harried this year. Jonny's presents are done. Now for the rest of them. The financial plan is laid out, and I am going into work tomorrow with the full intention of coming out of this week all caught up and with mad organization skills that will keep me from getting behind yet again! My relationship is one year super schtrong! And I am happy.

Things that need to end will end.
Things that I need to continue will go on.
I will be the person I want to be in all aspects.
I will not feel the need to compromise who I am.
I will wait here in the darkness refining myself, and in the spring we'll see what will become of it.

Oh sisters let's go down,
Let's go down,
Come on down.
Oh sisters let's go down,
Down to the river to pray.

Books 15 and 16...still shooting for 30!

2010-09-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

Read this:

Passage by Connie Willis

I found it to be predictable and repetitive. I liked the characters, and I couldn't bring myself to 'abandon ship' although I wanted to several times. The prose wasn't so sharp, and now I am feeling bad that this is the first Connie Willis novel I went for. What can I say? I liked the cover. But I have read some of her shorter fiction, and so know that there is more to be found in the depths of Connie Willis' imagination than a rusty ship and some unresolved questions about whether or not there's an afterlife.

And this:

Genesis by Bernard Beckett

This I loved! By the third break I had figured out the big reveal. Although I was told by my boyfriend that it was just dumb luck. Beckett is supreme, and I, with my inferior intellect, apparently could only make mad stabs in the dark about what was going on here, and I just got lucky enough to hit it in the neck. Right. But it didn't matter because the whole unfolding of the story as an exam in front of a panel, the retelling of their history in academic study and interpretation took my breath away. And so elegantly told - spare. No extra parts to distract from the story. For me the path to figuring out the end started with the Great War, and then an examination of word choices, and careful readings of certain descriptive passages - the clues that when you do get to the end all work together to make you realize how much sense it all makes. It was wonderful

Book 17 is The Reader by Bernhard Schlink. I loaned it to a friend recently without having read it myself. She loved it, and I'm about to as well I think!

Oh hell.

2010-09-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

I can feel the fires burning.
But winter comes, and soon will calm away
the heat, and put back into frosty sleep
the anger that eats at me each day.

I am angry.
I am alone.
There is no one in the center
to keep my heart a home.
And home for me is nothing
but an anxious place
to rest my bones
when rest is thrust upon me
by worry and regret.

Where is love?
And peace?
Where is she that left me so
unprotected, and without direction,
my life's true purpose
my soul?

I am here, but cannot be
both looking out and in
split in two
unable to reconcile
myself
until that day
when once again impossible
becomes only a myth.

Oh hell.
Why won't you just freeze over?

Produc-tivity, pro-duc-tivity! Produc-tivity, pro-duc-tivity!

2010-08-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

Chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast - carb loading for my little Michael Phelps. None for me, thanks. I'm watching my figure...EXPAND!

Took Jonny to swimming lessons at Los Caballeros Sport Village. It's an odd little place nestled in an even odder part of town. It seems to be a condo complex built up around this olympic sized swimming pool. Just odd.

Lunch with Jesse and Jonny at Islands. Had a veggie kilauea burger and steamed veggies. I may have snuck a fry or two. Yum!

Also got a fabboo birthday gift: Lego Harry Potter Hogwarts Game.
Which I had purchased for Jonny for Xmas.
Which I will now need to return.
C'est la vie.

Shopping - few odds and ends: foundation brush, swim shirt for Jonny, and then work clothes for me for upcoming business trip.

Prepared Thai feast for dinner. Can never get good pho in restaurants on account of the many animals slaughtered to make the broth. :( Found some good recipes for vegetarian pho here, and spicy thai noodles here. Modified both to replace sugar with stevia. Also globbed on TONS more chili paste into the noodles, and substituted shirataki noodles to cut carbs and calories.

Played some Wii Lego Rock Band with the family. It is the new coolest game ever.

Polished off the last piece of my sister's cappucino cheesecake - a sugar free, low carb gift for my birthday.

Put the boy to shower and bed.

Tidied up the budget.

Speed read through Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done under duress, but nonetheless it's done.

Updated this little old blog here.

And now off to work a bit on my story before bed time. Just five days to vomit forth something that is better than, well, vomit.

I don't need no stinking luck. I have blood, and sweat, and tears to carry me forward. And plenty of it too. Yeah!

Now where did I leave that reflected sign shining in my mind?

Spinning wheel got to go 'round.

Here comes thirty-three:

2010-08-26T00:34:00.000-07:00

Today (well yesterday) I wrapped up my 32nd year, and marked it with the date. Thirty two years on the planet, and here I am, living and being and doing and trying, which despite what Yoda says, is the most any of us ever can do. We try regardless of the outcome.

I love birthdays. I love the freshness, like the crisp of celery in my mouth, or the hysterical laugh that comes from being tickled, or the terror induced by a horror film - it gets my attention and wakes me up a bit. It snaps me out of complacency and reminds me to strive. Which rhymes with thrive. Which reminds me of Kaiser Permanente. Which reminds me of taking care of myself. And now...we're back!

I finished off last week with 11 miles, and started off this week so far with 2.41 miles on Sunday, Bikram Yoga on Tue, and another 1 mile today. I have two more days to get the rest of my miles in to hit my 11 mile weekly goal.

Today I set myself up for success in many things:

Started the day off with a good talk and some reading.

Cleaned the house top to bottom.

Did the laundry.

Cleaned the patio and tended the plants.

Scheduled my lease auto-pay, carpet cleaning, and ordered touch-up paint.

Went to the offices of Jonny's school and daycare to prepare for next week.

Balanced the checkbook and budget.

Took care of a few crucial work emails and fire drills.

Paid my traffic ticket! Yikes! And also deposited a check.

Responded to all birthday wishes and caught up on some correspondences.

Filled the tank and got the car interior detailed.

Took a walk and did a little yoga.

Cut my hair and then got ready for dinner.

Had dinner with family and friends.

Came home and watched K-PAX which I have wanted to watch for YEARS!

The one thing I did not make progress on today was my writing. I have now 5 days to bang out a first complete draft of the story I am working on. It's going to be difficult. But I am going to do it.

Like Kaiser says: Live well and thrive.

Goals Check In

2010-08-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

Since my revised goal of logging 300 miles in the second half of the year, I have tracked 80 with 20 weeks and 220 miles to go - it's a stretch.

I have completed 11 books, with 20 weeks and min 19 more to go. The last two were Stinger
by Nancy Kress and On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan. I found Stinger to be enjoyable, but it is no great work of literature. On Chesil Beach, on the other hand, left me utterly devastated. What a masterful work! Woven of moments of self-discovery, shame, jubilation, regret, hope. I loved and hated and laughed and cried and wretched and desired. So densely packed and tightly formed. I will revisit this text again.

I have completed 2 stories, with 20 weeks, and 6 more to go to my goal of 8 by year end - a really big stretch assignment.

I haven't revised any of my previous stories yet - no progress on that one.

I am not where I want to be weight-wise, and would really like to lose 15 lbs in the next 20 weeks.

Meditation - need to log 90 minutes a week for the next 20 weeks of eyes-closed, and as much eyes-open as necessary.

Yoga - need to just do this every day because it is so helpful! Just like flossing, which I also need to do every day, and don't. In which case I hope yoga is not like flossing, but flossing becomes more like yoga in frequency, and I do both daily. Sheesh!

And of course I need to continue to be more frugal - stick to my financial plan, and also be more compassionate and loving with Jonny - stick to my parenting plan. That one is by no means last in my priorities. I need to refresh myself on Parenting from the Heart daily if necessary to continue to internalize its lessons.

Why do we count down?

2010-08-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

Is it because we are all living on clocks, having started with an indeterminate, arbitrary amount of time, heading in a singular direction toward the inevitable running out?

Maybe it's because the thrill of anticipation of an event heightens our enjoyment of it, and then reflective preparation for an event can buffer us from any negative impact or experience. I remember counting down toward child birth for both these reasons at once!

I don't know why we do it - although I made only a cursory attempt at internet research, and I am taunted by the fact that the answer still lurks out there somewhere. But today I begin my 10 day countdown to my 32nd birthday, and the beginning of the 33rd year of my life, and man, I am excited!

I love birthdays, which are, for me, like New Year's Day - a fresh start. And I love fresh starts because they feel so clean, and I am eternally hopeful - irredeemably positive as some might say. I love to process my stuff, and come out a little bit better for it.

Today - good food, good friends, good times, cooking, swimming, 40 minutes of yoga, all fresh and clean and contemplative, and I am off to bed. I'm counting down all the ways that life is grand.

2010-07-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

Finally finished this one after much time and energy. Overall I found the characters somewhat likable or irritating but not entirely compelling. I loved no one, and I hated no one. The best bits were the pulp pieces woven throughout the story within the story. They were gritty and campy and fun.

I figured out the plot twist early on, and so lost the sense of surprise there. And I also felt cheated, because it acted as a wall between myself as the reader and the main character. I could have liked her so much more had I been able to go through her challenges with her, rather than always being kept at a safe and cold distance.

I also finished this one:

It wore on after a while - analyst after analyst, the narrator trying always to get to the heart of her issues which stemmed from her parents, al they usually do. Disappointing. Nothing memorable. Your problems have to be pretty sensational to carry along a group of readers through your catharsis with you.

The Longest Day

2010-06-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

...both figuratively and literally the longest day of the year.

I am happy for the dark.

Too much time at work, too much work to do, too much focus on all that rubbish.

The night is time to relax, recuperate, regroup.

I look forward to my bad habits waning as the brutal sun begins to loosen its reigns on the sky. I want the moonlight and the shadow. Give me the wintertime. Give me the peace of four walls closing me in to do my silent work.

May summer bear me to my fall that winter might build me up again.

Compelled but not Compelling

2010-05-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

Here are three books I recently read under duress:

I got it as a Yuletide gift. Lovely sentiment. I am a Harry Potter fanatic, and the series, having come to an abrupt halt (after the expected 7 installments) left me feeling vacant without an obsession worthy of my inexhaustible passion. Everyone loved Twilight, so my sister thought - Perfect!

Only one problem. Stephanie Meyer, with her Latter Day longings for a life more exciting than the one to which she has committed her soul, cannot write herself out of a wet paper bag.

And yet...

I also got as a Yuletide gift...

...the second in the series. And while Stephanie Meyer's writing leaves much to be desired, I am a sucker for star-crossed lovers and melodramatic, broody teens. See previous reference to inexhaustible passion, add note about hyperemotional empath, and you come somewhere in the vicinity of my capacity to feel things viscerally.

You'll be happy to know I did not crack the spines of 3 or 4, but rather sated my curiosity the wiki way. And of course, nothing surprising happens.

Lastly, my boss gave me this as yet another gift, although not Yuletide:

Here we are out to determine just what kind of penguins we are. Are you a Fred - curious and observant, Alice - action oriented, Professor - all knowledge and no action, Louis - a born leader, or Buddy - charismatic helper and guide.

After the book I decided I am not a penguin. I am a human being.

Six Year Old Accused of Sexual Assault

2010-04-26T23:56:00.000-07:00

Does this sound disturbing to you?

How about if it were a five year old? Any less disturbing?

How about if it were your own son? How would that make you feel?

When it happened to me last week...when I got the call that another parent had accused my six year old of sexual assault, it took the wind right out of me. What started out as three little boys, all friends, playing tag, turned into an accusation that my son and one of the other two boys had stuck their hands down the third boys pants and fondled his genitals. As a mother how do you respond?

The principal told me she was conducting an investigation. She told me she did not believe the allegations were true. Then she told me she had alerted child social services and the local police. Speechless.

It turns out as it happens that my son and the other little boy that was accused seem to have been innocent in this case. There were no adult witnesses, the other little boy's story changed several times, while theirs remained consistent with one another, and the other little boy never directly told a teacher or the principal that any of this had happened - it all came from the mother.

But still I don't know how I feel. Relieved, sure. But what if my son had done this? Does a curious six year old become a criminal? The consequences of this were hurtful. I had to tell my son that he was no longer allowed to play with the other boy at school, at the request of the principal "for his own good." That hurt my son, and it hurt me to send the mixed message of being nice and being friends with everyone, but not being able to go near this little boy, even though he is still a good person, and we want to be kind to him and respect him.

My son's father and I have had to become hypersensitive to tickling and rough housing that gets too close to an inappropriate area. The innocence of these playful interactions has melted under scrutiny. I actually slipped up the other night when my son was climbing up the ladder to his bunk bed, and reminiscent of how I had when he was a baby, I playfully patted his bottom for like, a SPLIT SECOND, and he said "Mommy you did private parts touching!" I was mortified. I had lapsed in my vigilance and made an error, and then worried and fretted about whether or not I was going to open the door for more issues. I apologized, told him that was wrong of me, and that private parts are private to the owner, and are not to be touched by others. He said he forgave me, and then hugged me and kissed me and went to sleep. He didn't seem to understand there was any deeper worry or fear than that. How could he at 6?

And yet children younger and younger are being implicated in greater acts of horror than previously imaginable: rape, murder, suicide.

But with all that they may have done, none of them are yet old enough to really know what they're doing.

I'm 31 and half the time I still don't.

Week 16: Fitness

2010-04-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

9 miles amidst the demands of a busy life, while traveling for work, etc. so not too bad.

Pleased to be back on the horse.

Reading Update

2010-04-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Beggars and Choosers was as good as the first. I was wrapt from the moment I opened it...carefully. I was lucky enough to pick up this signed 1st edition at the Worldon in Montreal last year!

A Child Called It was unbelievable and horrible. No really, I was horrified, and I really don't know how much of it I believe. If it did happen and it truly is only the 3rd worst case of child abuse recorded in California's history, one wonders with morbid curiosity about the first two. This boy's life was a train wreck on steroids.

Endangered had many things to say about children and the challenges imposed by our need to have them conform to a puritanical, spirit-stifling ideal, but was a little too Christian for me, and also at parts seemed to contradict itself. On the one hand children should be encouraged, free from reproach for abiding by their nature, but on the other a little screaming and shouting and public humiliation never hurt anyone.

Midnight Never Come was for me sinfully delicious - not terribly good prose, but a particular weakness of mine. I got it for $.50 at the used book store and it tauted not only Queen Elizabeth, political intrigue and espionage, but also the Fae of Great Britain with all their dark and scary goodness. I know, I know, it's as bad as Twilight. Maybe I'll read that next...

I am sorry to say it, but Beggars Ride was pretty awful. I wasn't really sure where the narrative was going at first, I was missing the characters I most loved, I was still recovering from the fresh wound of a main character in the 2nd installment, and by the end honestly, there's just nothing left - the transformation becomes oblivion. I don't want to give it away because the 1st and 2nd in the series are just so amazing, and to be fair I don't regret having read the 3rd at all out of loyalty to the author's vision, and the series, but I'm still not quite sure what that vision is.

13, 14 maids a-courting...

2010-04-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

Failure? Dispensation? Adventure? More likely just plain trouble.

Life is certainly no longer a nursery rhyme. Week 13, after I'm not quite sure how many (6 I think?) consecutive entires into Writer's of the Future, I missed my deadline due to procrastination, overwork, and general life stresses. I am the picture of disappointment.

Forgive me Nancy, for I have sinned.

And along with my writing, other things went, to quote a less wholesome turn of phrase, to hell in a handbasket - my fitness, my sleep, and just a little more slowly it seems, my sanity.

But in times of crises the weak surrender, the strong retreat, regroup, and come back even stronger than before. In Week 14 my retreat took the shape of a much needed vacation with my Jonny to Washington D.C. Nothing like history to cure short-sighted perspective, and 20 miles of walking to rejuvinate the body and mind, and of course five flights on stand-by to appreciate the comforts of home.

We had a great time, read several books, saw many sights (food for a later blog) and came back ready to kiss life square on the mouth. 15, 16 maids a-kissing...

The first thing to go is the BLOG!

2010-04-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

Lately it seems as though my life has been shifting under my feet. Just as I start to have some semblance of balance and structure the next quake happens and I'm back to ground zero.
Wait, but I love earthquakes.
Of course I don't love the destruction they can cause, but what a thrill to realize that my tiny life is piled upon all the things I consider foundational which are piled upon all the things we collectively agree are important which can crumble and topple and break and the world remains intact, only slightly changed and possibly better off and more stable than before.
Change is the path to stability - the right change. And change is constant.
So bottom line. . .I need to stop waiting for things to settle down, because they really never will, and instead just ride the rolling (or jarring) quakes of change.

Children are today.

2010-04-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

"Many things can wait. Children cannot.
today their bones are being formed, their blood
is being made, their senses are being developed.
To them we cannot say "Tomorrow."
Their name is today."

~ Gabriela Mistral

Pause: What would love do?

2010-03-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

I've started taking a parenting course from Parenting from the Heart.

Have you ever wanted to learn to put yourself on pause, and examine a situation from an objective perspective?

Perhaps one day we'll develop the talent to slow down time like the Ba'ku in Star Trek: Insurrection, but until then putting ourselves on pause is about the closest we can come.

I have also learned about having GEM moments with Jonathan...moments where you only connect (E.M. Forster, anyone?) and get down to the most imaginative, and joyous part of you with complete childlike surrender. It's hard, but it's awesome.

One thing I already knew that has been reinforced is that taking care of myself is the best thing I can do to take care of my child. It's something I forget often, so the reminder was certainly helpful.

I highly recommend this program as a way to let go of trying to control your children, and learn instead to live in awe of them, and the people that they are out on their own path to becoming.

Weeks 8 & 9: Running

2010-03-06T23:06:00.001-08:00

Ran a total of 16 miles in the past two weeks combined: 8.5 in Week 8 and 7.5 in Week 9. Still not so good.

I'm having a dickens of a time trying to get back into a routine. Work has been so stressful lately. More so than it has been in a couple years.

It's a vicious cycle - I feel overwhelmed at work, I miss my running time. I miss my running, I feel more stressed. I feel more stressed, which exacerbates the feeling of being overwhelmed, and on, and on, and on...

This week my hope is to get off to a good start with some running on Sunday, which I hope will propel me forward to a more consistent week ahead.

Weeks 6, 7 & 8 Writing

2010-02-28T12:01:00.000-08:00

Not too productive at all this week, unfortunately.

Or perhaps I can take the writers' road less traveled and consider my time away from writing, as a way to facilitate thinking about the plot, the characters, and the elements of style that have been giving me so much trouble over the last several weeks.

Only Week 9 will tell.

Week 8: Stories 26-32

2010-02-27T14:43:00.000-08:00

Finally finished The Best of the Best: 20 Years of the Year's Best Science Fiction!

26. The Wedding Album by David Marusek

This one I really enjoyed. A fresh idea, at least to me, and so well executed. If I were to be one moment captured to be relived over and over again, I wonder what moment it would be?

27. 10^16 to 1 by James Patrick Kelly

28. Daddy's World by Walter Jon Williams

29. The Real World by Steven Utley

30. Have Not Have by Geoff Ryman

31. Lobsters by Charles Stross

Gosh this was terrible. I could barely get through it. So surprising in an anthology of the best of the best. The prose was choppy, inelegant, sloppy. The ideas were thrown at you like wild pitches, nearly impossible to get a bite out of them. I felt the same way I often feel when reading Cory Doctorow - that the author was too busy trying to get across his agenda to care about whether or not I was still with him.

32. Breathmoss by Ian R. MacLeod

What a wonderful way to start the year of reading! Over all I found this to be an evenly satisfying anthology, with only a couple of stories that either didn't speak to me, and a handful that left me riveted - Reed, Chiang, and Marusek come immediately to mind. All very enjoyable. Thank you, Dozois!

Weeks 6 & 7: Running

2010-02-21T09:54:00.000-08:00

After a lapse of two weeks the best advice I could find was to run about half as much for 1 to 2 weeks. After 2 to 4 weeks all lost conditioning should be regained.

Week 6:

Sunday: 1.18 miles (walking)

Monday: Sick

Tuesday: Sick

Wednesday: Sick

Thursday: Sick

Friday: 3.5 miles

Saturday: 3 miles

Total miles: 7.68

Week 7:

Sunday: 2 miles (walking)

Monday: 3 miles (walking)

Tuesday: Rest

Wednesday: Travel

Thursday: Travel

Friday: Lazy and TIRED!

Saturday: TIRED and Lazy!

Total miles: 5

So not very far on my way to gaining back lost conditioning. I feel as though getting back on track this week will be difficult, although not impossible with dedication. My goal for Week 8 is once again 15 miles.

Do it!

Week 6 & 7: Stories 14-25

2010-02-13T21:02:00.000-08:00

14. Mortimer Gray's History of Death by Brian Stableford.

15. Button, Button by Richard Matheson, originally published in Playboy June 1970, and collected in Transit of Earth (Playboy Science Fiction) edited by Arthur C. Clarke.

In addition this story was adapted first as an episode to The Twilight Zone in 1986, and then as the feature film The Box in 2009.

16. Wang's Carpets by Greg Egan

17. Coming of Age in Karhide by Ursula K. Le Guin

18. The Dead by Michael Swanwick

19. Recording Angel by Ian McDonald

20. A Dry, Quiet War by Tony Daniel

21. The Undiscovered by William Sanders

Who wouldn't love alternate history with the bard? This was so much fun for me to read, and somehow tragic. English (British) Literature gave me my foundation, and so life in a world without Shakespeare would leave me a lonely monologue.

22. Second Skin by Paul J. McAuley

23. Story of Your Life by Ted Chiang

One can never be the same after reading a story by Chiang. He must write with writers in mind, because every story feels like a message to me in a sea glass bottle, carrying tidings of hope, and a map to the treasures that can be unearthed with imagination, forethought, and careful skill. Story of Your Life became the story of mine by the time I finished reading it. It will live with me.

24. People Came from Earth by Stephen Baxter

25. Lambing Season by Molly Gloss

Week 5: Illness Induced Indolence

2010-02-07T13:27:00.000-08:00

Reading: A few chapters of The Blind Assassin.

Running: Zippo.

Writing: Unless hacking (my story) and/or hacking (productive chest coughing) count I'm pretty sure I did a whole lot of nothing.

It's lame to be sick. I am so lame. Sick and lame.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

2010-02-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

One wonders for the children whose tender hearts in the prime of youth were made to be so hard to the plight of their fellow man. To have their talent for imagination twisted, turning the monsters in the closet or under the bed into the Jew next door.

I have never thought about the survivors on the other side - the ones that lived in Nazi Germany as children, being raised in the Third Reich, who then had their value system torn to shreds, no longer valiant patriots of the motherland but now horrible, unfeeling monsters, many of whom had participated in some way in events leading to the death of some part of millions of other human beings.

This film was thought provoking, and the ending painful. It was one of those films that made me go in and check on my sleeping child, just to make sure he was still there, still breathing. But I could watch hundreds of films, read dozens of books, but never understand what life is like when the difference between human and beast has been sharpened down to a razor's edge.

And then I began to think about my worries and woes and how trivial they are. But not so. My fears are no less because I fear alone instead of alongside millions. I certainly have less to fear, and much less to suffer. Still, suffering is the same whether it be born alone, or in common.

I guess the film just made me feel more vulnerable, more human.

January: 13 Stories

2010-01-30T22:05:00.002-08:00

1. Dinner in Audoghast by Bruce Sterling
2. Roadside Rescue by Pat Cadigan
3. Snow by John Crowley
4. The Winter Market by William Gibson
5. The Pure Product by John Kessel
6. Stable Strategies for Middle Management by Eileen Gunn
7. Kirinyaga by Mike Resnick
8. Tales from the Venia Woods by Robert Silverberg
9. Bears Discover Fire by Terry Bisson
10. Even the Queen by Connie Willis
11. Guest of Honor by Robert Reed
12. None So Blind by Joe Haldeman

Another great by Joe Haldeman. Adolescent misfit turned super genius grabbed my heart and imagination. I was rooting for him even as his lack of empathy allowed his genius to pursue his obsession to nearly inhuman limits.

13. The Lincoln Train by Maureen F. McHugh

Alternative history where the underground railroad saves Southerners from the Carpet Baggers. Good vs. evil. From the perspective of one young girl questioning her life rooted in an outdated, and now unacceptable culture.

Week 4: 14.5 Miles

2010-01-30T22:05:00.001-08:00

Sun: Rest (i.e. chores)

Mon: 2 miles

Tue: 2.5 miles

Wed: 3 miles

Thu: 2.32 miles (with Jonny riding his bike)

Fri: 2.18 miles

Sat: 2.5 miles

Total 14.5 miles and just .5 miles shy of my goal. But still the best I've ever done and quite an accomplishment.

For January my overall total was 45 miles. That's an average of about 1.5 miles a day which, considering previously I was never able to run even a half a mile, is amazing.

My goal now in February is to continue running to build muscle, and endurance and to get to the point where running 3 miles oin a day is more a norm than an exceptional achievement. If over t next few months I can get to that level of fitness and endurance I plan to being in April my movement toward the 6 mi/10k goal.

I'm really enjoying running, and being able to keep my commitments to myself, which, although I'm not totally consistent yet, is still a huge step for me in all my goals.

January: 6300 words, more or less...

2010-01-30T22:04:00.001-08:00

No, no, no! That's not right!

A sentiment that has led me to hacking and slashing my story to bits.

I'm left with a slightly more refined idea, one that once again excites me, and a significantly diminished word count.

But still a good effort for my first month of writing 300 words daily.

I'm not finished with my first story of the year yet. I imagine that will be done in February, but so as not to fall behind I'll need to complete another as well, with the hope that by March end I'll have three stories from which to select my next entry for Writer's of the Future, and then will begin looking for amateur markets for the other two.

A journey of a thousand miles and all that.

Week 3: Other Reading

2010-01-23T22:53:00.001-08:00

In other reading I've been focusing on the somewhat painful, very necessary, and interestingly entertaining self-education on the process for an uncontested, jointly filed divorce.

In February I'll be taking some time off specifically to download, fill out, and organize all the paperwork. It's right up there with doing taxes, which will also require a bit of down time from work. I know I'm going to be fine. And I really want for it to be done. I'm just such a procrastinator!

For my novel this month I selected Margaret Atwood's The Blind Assassin, only a second choice to The Handmaid's Tale. The writing is flawless. The emotion is tangible. I'm in awe.

Week 3: 6308 Words

2010-01-23T22:50:00.000-08:00

I am back on track with my 300 word per day goal. I wrote over a thousand words on the children's story that had been giving me trouble and sent it off to the artist for review. I haven't heard back yet. I hope that means he's been busy and not that he hates it. If he likes it I'll finish it and he can see about having it published. If he hates it I'll finish it and bury it in the graveyard. And then of course try again if he gives me the chance.

I also made some good progress on the speculative piece. This coming week would give me another 2100 words. It's at 5300 right now, but I know will need some revisions/cuts. - need to finish the first draft this week. Feb will be spent on the next speculative piece and revising the first.

Lastly I began work on a new poem. That's just an emotional outlet for me though. Still it's writing and it's fun!

So far I'm really pleased with my progress. I think one story and one side project: revision, children's book, poem, etc. will be a good pace at which to continue.

Week 3: 9.5 Miles

2010-01-23T22:49:00.000-08:00

Sun: Distracted
Mon: Distracted
Tue: Distracted
Wed: 5 Miles!
Thu: 2 Miles
Fri: 2.5 Miles
Sat: *Rest*

Bad news is I missed the goal of 15. Good news is my endurance is increasing all the time and my muscles are getting stronger!

This week's goal is still 5 days, 3 miles for a total of 15.

Week 3: Stories 10-11

2010-01-23T22:46:00.000-08:00

This week I only finished two stories...but they have been my FAVORITE two so far.

10. First I read Even the Queen by Connie Willis. With just a simple idea, and eloquent indications of subtle changes in a world that looks much like ours, Connie Willis had me laughing, believing, empathizing, frustrated, nervous. She was wringing emotion out of me.

11. Then I followed up with Robert Reed's Guest of Honor. This too felt completely fresh. And the twist at the end got me. I was so much on the side of the main character, and so much in her life and along for her stories that when she was fooled I was also completely fooled. I felt betrayed by Opera, but not be Reed. Reed delivered.

So all in all I am one story behind where I should be for three weeks of reading. Looking forward to a nice, long weekend of catching up with myself.

Pets for Progress

2010-01-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

New challenge: At the end of one month free from behavior notices, and with good effort on his behavior contract Jonny will be allowed to get a pet. This is a huge deal for me as I know a great deal of the care and concern for this new family member will be mine, and I value things like peace, freedom, cleanliness. But it's for a good cause.

Here are the tiers:

One week: Good job! Try again.
Two weeks: Good job! Fish for the tank! Try again!
Three weeks: Great job! One week extension!
Four weeks: 2 guinea pigs with all the accessories,(including an elevated 10 sq ft cage...omg), and 5-7 years of pet-lovin' fun!

I'm a good mother. I'm a good mother. I'm a good mother.

Ramen and Running

2010-01-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

"If you just look at the ramen you'll feel it." ~ Maezumi, The Ramen Girl (2008)

My son had a great day at school today, and so I gave him his choice of dinner. My son is crazy for noodles. It doesn't really matter if soba, udon, or, as in this case, ramen. But tonight it was the Hakata Ramen K-Set at Shin Sen Gumi, Fountain Valley that won out.

Normally I wouldn't eat ramen, as it's a bit of a carb overload, but for tonight I made a small exception, still opting for the veggie toppings and the yummy broth. After completing 5 miles on the treadmill in just under 60 minutes I really needed the calories. Yeah! This was the farthest I have ever gone in a running session, although it wasn't all running. I warmed up a bit, then ran, recovered, ran, recovered, ran, recovered, SPRINTED, ran and recovered for a total of 5, f-i-v-e, 5 MILES!

I am so happy. I'd do a little dance, but my legs are tired and my tummy is full of ramen. Mmmmmm, ramen!

Soaked Through!

2010-01-18T17:43:00.000-08:00

My day started last night, and bled through into the morning. For despite my best efforts to still my mind I could not sleep a wink.

Some bland and boring work done, I began my day off with a little writing, and breakfast with my son and sister.

We headed off to Disneyland in the downpour and were soaked through to the skin. We had so much fun being silly and playing in the puddles. Jonathan and I returned home to hot baths and hot soup. Of course the sun came out about an hour after we had arrived back home. Still it was a wonderful, relaxing day with minimal work interruptions.

At home I tidied, cooked, spent time with Jonny, and prepared everything for the morning.

And now for goals! This week I set a stretch goal for myself with my running, and have only five more days to meet it. So I'm a little stressed about that. The story I'm working on is starting to take shape, but that in turn makes it harder to write as we go because things need to click into place more tightly. Lastly, this week I need to make some real progress with my reading by keeping up with my four story commitment, making headway in my novel, and trudging through the Nolo's Essential Guide to Divorce.

I am saturated.

Week 2: 12 Miles

2010-01-17T02:14:00.002-08:00

This week I ran 12 miles, which is the most I've ever completed (running) in one week and 3 mies more than last week.

Mon: 3 mi

Tue: 2.5 mi

Fri: 4.5 mi

Sat: 2 mi

My goal for this coming week will be to do 15.

“Success isn't how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.”

Week 2: 4067 Words

2010-01-17T02:14:00.001-08:00

I'm super tired now, and so despite a valiant attempt will not quite hit my weekly writing goal - short by 133 words. I will certainly make it up in the morning.

On a positive note I have fleshed out more of the plot of my story that I am currently working with. I just have to take those ideas to the page, and then still come up with how it all gets resolved in the end.

Lastly I need a title, but I know where I can get some help with that.

I am again thinking I need to revisit the children's story, and may need to start anew from a fresh perspective. I can always go back and fold in bits of good prose here and there.

I push on.

Week 2: Stories 5-9

2010-01-17T02:13:00.000-08:00

1. The Pure Product by John Kessel

3 out of 5. I didn't really understand the necessity of the characters' way of life. There didn't seem to be a point.

2. Stable Strategies for Middle Management by Eileen Gunn
3.5 out of 5. Clever idea. Wasn't quite at the level of empathy with the main character needed for maximum impact.

3. Bears Discover Fire by Terry Bisson
3.5 out of 5. This was funny and quirky. Why did the old woman go to meet the bears? I guess we'll have to ask them once they discover language.

4. Kirinyaga by Mike Resnick
4 out of 5. Mike Resnisk's particular style can at times be a little
heavy handed for my taste, but still the story intrigued me. Prime directive morality always does.

5. Tales from the Venia Woods by Robert Silverberg
4.5 out of 5. Clever concept. Flawless execution. Just a little bit that seemed too convenient - like it was too convenient that the little girl was so much more self assured than her brother.

You may notice one of these is out of order. I was so tired on Wed night, but wanted to get one more thing accomplished so I fished for the shortest story in the collection that i had not yet read. My OCD synapses were firing left and right, but I did it anyway!

3 Miles!

2010-01-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

Tonight I set a new personal achievement by completing a 3 mile running session. In reality I warmed up for .25, and then after running a mile got terrible cramps in both my hamstrings. I recovered for another .25, and then was able to push through the last 1.5 miles to reach my goal. I'm so excited to have hit that target, which makes everything from here on out seem more attainable.

But only after some much needed stretching!

Seriously Fun!

2010-01-10T14:09:00.001-08:00

One of the things I'm working on in 2010 is spending more time having fun and being silly with my son.

Today is the first day of week 2 and we're spending it at Disneyland with family and friends to celebrate my little sister's birthday.

As we were waiting to get into Walt Disney's Enchanted Tiki Room a coffee mishap left my sister's mocha on the floor. A Disneyland employee went to get some towels to clean it up. As he was doing so he started making jokes about gravity and fulcrums and just being all around funny. I commented to him that it seemed he really enjoys his job. He told us that when he was growing up he really wanted to work at Disneyland. His mother wouldn't let him go to college in Southern California for fear he'd drop out to do so. He went to Berkeley majoring in Computer Science and got a job on the ground floor of the .com boom. Many years and health problems later he retired a corporate 'fat cat' from Silicon Valley at the age of 45 and 347 lbs. He was slowly dying. He cashed in his stock options moved to Southern California, dropped what had to be about 150 lbs and used his new lease on life to get his dream job at Disneyland.

Growing up like all little girls I dreamed of being a mom. Being a mom is serious work. You have responsibility for the development of a whole life - the foundation of a person's future happiness. But the more time I spend with my six year old the more I realize - Fun is serious stuff!

Thanks Larry from Disneyland for the kindness and the great story. Whether it's true or not it's a good reminder to do what you dream and always have fun.

Week 1: 2316 Words

2010-01-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

I'm really excited about this story I'm working on. It's the most pure fantasy I have ever written.
Today in the mail I received my rejection slip from the most recent quarter of L. Ron Hubbard's Writers of the Future contest. That was for the story I submitted 09/30/09. I have higher hopes for my most recent submission to the quarter that ended 12/31/09. This year I will continue to submit every quarter.
In addition I plan on beginning to look for other markets for my stories as well. I have two in the works - a speculative piece, and a children's piece that's proving difficult and time consuming. I'm not looking at it the right way. I may need to start fresh. But the work is it's own reward.

Week 1: Stories 1-4

2010-01-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

At the end of 2009 I started working my way through Gardner Dozois' The Best of the Best: 20 Years of the Year's Best Science Fiction as a way to ensure I was reading quality stuff in a variety of voices and styles. I haven't been disappointed. I'm enjoying bouncing from world to world in this anthology, and I'm seeing little connections between the stories even though they may be galaxies apart. I know Gardner Dozois is a very well respected editor, but haven't read enough of his anthologies to know if what I'm seeing is his very cleverly and subtly placed fingerprint or my imagination getting the better of me.

1. Dinner in Audoghast by Bruce Sterling

I didn't think I was going to like this story. The characters are not made to be sympathetic. And it's not apparent what could be fantastic about them at all. I read on though, knowing it was chosen for a reason, and compelled by the detailed descriptions of decadence. My reaction was visceral. In the end I was satisfied at the fate of the characters, but not particularly moved.

2. Roadside Rescue by Pat Cadigan

This one was just creepy. Eeeeeewwwwww. But I loved it. Moral: "Don't talk to strangers" takes on a whole new meaning.

3. Snow by John Crowley

I thought this was well crafted, and heartfelt. The idea of capturing life to be reviewed by the loved ones after death didn't knock my socks off, but the execution did.

4. The Winter Market by William Gibson

This was brutal. I liked how it doesn't feel the need to explain everything, but it explains enough to be credible. I felt empathetic toward the characters and yet also repelled. My conflicting emotions are in part what helped to make the story seem alien to me even though it's in a world no so far removed from my own.

Week 1: 9 Miles

2010-01-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

Monday: 2 miles
Wednesday: 2 miles
Thursday: 2.5 miles
Saturday: 2.5 miles

9 miles this week

Best running accomplishment was on Wednesday, where I felt like I could have kept going, but had to pick up Jonny. I had an easy run of 1.75 miles after a .25 mile warm up, with over a mile consecutively at 6.7. It was great.

Thursday was hard, but I pushed myself - warmed up .25 miles then ran a mile, then recovered for .25 miles, then ran another mile.

My hamstrings say "hello" every time I take a step!

2010

2010-01-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

I have been procrastinating in actually putting my goals down in print. Because doing so will mean I have to actually do something about them!
But no, this year I think I have done the best job of being realistic, and still ambitious. I'm looking forward to all that I will accomplish in 2010, and I'm optimistic that with these goals as guidelines I'll stay on track.

Things that can be quantified:

Writing: 300 words a day

Reading: 4 short stories a week, 1 novel per month, 1 classic every other, plus...

Health: Still following Transcend, modified caloric restriction or hara hachi bu, so no sugar, no refined this or that, lots of supplements...

Running: I'm working now on being able to run 5k comfortably. I'm almost there. Another month or so. After that I will set my sights on 10k. I'll be tracking by miles per week.

Meditation: Just 10 minutes a day, eyes closed, and then throughout the day eyes opened. Would do me so much good.

Things not so easily quantified:

Parenting: The goal is to maintain that balance between love and respect and boundaries. My 6 year old is going through some tough times. And when I think about the future, I know that none of the problems he has today will hinder him as an adult - he'll grow out of much of it, and the rest of it will be useful! So for now I need to make sure he knows I love him no matter what, be there to guide him, be patient, be present, and have fun.

Relationships: Be honest, don't be fearful, be true to myself, be compassionate always. And truly that means always. The little enjoyment and release that comes from belaboring the failings of others is far outweighed by the psychic damage it brings me in the forms of guilt, alienation, and contempt.

Other things I want to work on:

Crafts: I hope to start now to get everyone on my 2010 list something handmade.

Rosetta Stone: Now more important than ever that I actually buckle down and relearn Spanish.

It's exciting to have the whole year unfolding before me with all these wonderful things in it!

Coccinellidaedle Doo!

2010-01-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

The week started off rough, with a bout of three days straight working through the holiday weekend. Happy New Year to me! But then Monday as I was making my morning rounds to open up the office I found this little lovely just hanging out on the wall in one of the stairwells.
She made me smile. Such a small thing, but I paused, and from that moment on I was having a better day. In fact I've been have "better days" all week. There are many cultural references to lady bugs bringing luck, fortune, bread, better weather. This one brought me a better disposition. And that was all I needed get 2010 off to the the best start I could imagine.

Ladybird, ladybird, fly away home
Your house is on fire and your children are gone
All except one, and that's Little Anne
For she has crept under the warming pan.

2009

2010-01-01T22:35:00.000-08:00

In 2009 I completed and submitted 5 stories, 4 to Writers of the Future and 1 to another open anthology for speculative fiction. I received 1 Honorable Mention from WotF.

I read 27 books, and a few short stories here and there. Most notably I read through the entire Earthsea saga, novels and stories, by Ursula LeGuin, Transcend by Kurzweil & Grossman all about life extension, and some Science Fiction classics: The Martian Chronicles by Bradbury, The Demolished Man by Bester, and Childhood's End by Clarke. I also fell in love with Nightwings by Robert Silverberg, and Beggars in Spain by Nancy Kress.

Of the 14 lbs I set out to lose this year I lost and kept off 8. But more importantly I changed my habits with regard to eating and exercise. I have cut out all sugar and refined carbs. I am able to run 2 miles consecutively, and sometimes 3. That's a lifetime best for me.

I traveled to New Orleans via train with my son in April, and to WorldCon in Montreal, Canada in August. That was fun for me as a beginner in the world of writing and of Science Fiction. I learned so much and met a few very interesting people.

Lots of life changes on a personal note with regard to my living situation, my child, my relationships, my self management, work life, etc. One major change of note, I moved into a new apartment with my son which in addition to being closer to work is a much healthier environment for us both. As for the rest, let's just say on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale 2009 was for me a 346: At Risk of Illness. But I managed to stay relatively healthy, just the same. I have my plan and I'm working it.

In general I am happier, more at peace, more consistent, more respectful of myself and others, and excited for the year to come.

It's the New Year

2009-12-28T21:15:00.000-08:00

Last night was New Year's Eve. And so it follows that today is New Year's Day.

Oh sure, it's not quite the first, but who's to say this isn't just as well? This is what I figure. The New Year brings with it a sense of new beginnings, a clean slate, a chance to do things better this time and show everyone, most especially yourself, that you can change. But it comes with so much pressure. Everything has to be perfect. And it allows for so many excuses. Up until the clock strikes twelve on the thirty-first we give ourselves a free ticket. I don't want the pressure, and I don't want the excuses. I just want to be happy. Last night was an inspired evening. I had so much fun, and I felt so inclined to continue that happiness and fun by having a great day. And so I did. I made good choices, and had a productive day that is still bringing me enjoyment at this late hour.

And so when the first decides to rear its fickle head I can choose to ignore it, and say I've made my peace with change and it's here to stay for more than just a year. For a year and five glorious days.

Happy New Year, everyone!

'Tis the Season to be Hectic

2009-12-03T00:02:00.000-08:00

Full Day at the Office...check
Company Holiday Party...check
Dinner with Monsters, big and small...check
Grocery Shopping...check
Good Parenting (avoiding/redirecting 6 yr old meltdowns)...check
Helping Jonny with Homework...check
Cooking (Spaghetti Squash Bolognese, Halibut, Sugar & Gluten Free Banana Bread, Guilt Free Pumpkin Pie)...check
Writing (words)...check
Reading (Howard Waldrop: flying Saucer Rock and Roll)...check
Blogging...check
Going to Sleep EXHAUSTED from it all...check, check, and triple check!

Goalsh!

2009-10-27T23:37:00.000-07:00

To everything turn, turn, turn...

And the time has come for this purpose of reevaluating my goals.

Currently working on three stories...

Children's
Speculative
Chapter Book

Currently getting back on track with my fitness...

1590 calories a day
Transcend Diet
Reviewing supplements now to plan for next purchase
Exercise M/W/Th/Sa/Su (Did do running today though for a bit and then walked with Jonny home from school.)

Currently reading four books...

Young Jedi Knights: Heirs to the Force (with Jonny)
NOLO Press Divorce Guide
WOTF 25th Anniversary Anthology
Gardner Dozois' The Best of the Best

Currently working on being a better mom...

Focusing lots of attention on Jonny's behavioral concerns
Setting aside time to do 1:1 things together
Talking more and breathing through frustration
Being less commanding and more directive

Currently (this is not a goal) starting a new relationship with a person I've loved a long time...

Fighting off insecurity
Accepting love
Appreciating the strong foundation that is there

...and a time to every purpose under heaven!

WOTF: 4th & 5th Submissions

2009-10-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

I received word a couple of weeks ago that my 4th submission to Writer's of the Future was not accepted nor awarded any level of acclaim. Back to the old drawing board. After two quarters of Honorable Mention it was a disappointment, but moving on...

Today I received word that my 5th submission arrived in Hollywood safe and sound. This story was hard - it didn't write itself hardly at all. I had to work for it, and I'm kind of lazy so I have no great expectations.

Just hope.

Progress

2009-09-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am moving on. Taking charge.

I wrote over 2000 words today. Procrastinator yes, but I will meet my deadline on this quarter's submission to Writers of the Future.

I read some conceptual mathematics, watched an old lecture given by Richard Feynman on gravitational theory.

I'm breaking the mold of some unhealthy patterns of behavior, oh yeah. Meeting some new people, expanding my horizons, not wishing for what I cannot have, making a choice to find what I want.

I went for a run, more a run-walk-run-walk-run.

I am (dun-dun-dun-NA!) 4 LBS from my goal weight. Unbelievable but true. I never thought I'd ever see a scale register in the 130s, period. And yet there it is, 138 glorious pounds of me. And I have not worn a size 6 since I *was* six, but all my 8s are getting too big so looks like that's where I'll be heading.

I'm becoming a better mom, better boss, better friend, better sister, daughter, everything I am...but only a very little bit at a time.

On some scales it may be pathetic, but at least it's progress.

Frack!

2009-09-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

I've procrastinated again and my story is due in just five days (well maybe six) and I am not prepared! I don't know why I do this to myself every time!

I'm so frustrated.

I have unrealistic expectations.

On an up note I went to Back to School Night for my son and things are looking good. I love his teacher. She's so organized. Jonny has a binder with all his relevant info, homework, handbook, etc. and I will have it sent home to me each night so I can update it. We got so excited about his reading log we had to start it tonight. Jonny read Olivia all by himself, and I read The Time Warp Trio: Tut, Tut together with him (Pharoah is a hard word for a six year old). I love that my son uses his allowance to buy books at the second hand store, and I love even more that he found a children's series about time travelers.

And now I am bushed.

My goals for tomorrow morning:

Make *serious* headway on the story. I'm talking massive. 2000 words.

Put together a better schedule. Planning to work on my stuff after Jonny goes to bed seems unrealistic, unless it's reading. I need to rearrange writing to be in the morning when he's sleeping or at school and save reading for my nightly activity. And I also need to still figure where to put in the workout.

Get some exercise in, even if only Yoga and stretching. I am stiff and bloated and crampy.

"Each moment is fresh...

2009-09-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

...with no mistakes in it...

...yet."

From now on Anne of Green Gables will be my role model.

We'll see how long it lasts.

Intimacy

2009-09-20T21:49:00.001-07:00

"Hurting someone is an act of reluctant intimacy."

There's a story here, and I am going to find it. :-)

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2009-09-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

Day 10:

Jonny's first day of school was 'outstanding' as per the note left in his backpack by his teacher. Most excellent.

My day was taken up by some *bs* work (work for the company by whom I am employed), some laziness, some *real* work (work at my goals of writing, reading, and general awesomeness), errands, blah, blah, blah.

Day 11:

Jonny's second day of school was excellent, as evidenced by the note from his teacher saying "Thanks for making our first week so terrific. You deserve a kiss." Hershey kiss attached. Teachers are cute. People who hock sugar at my kid are dangerous.

My day was spent at new parent orientation where I learned of my son's school's amazing facilities. My son is in his primary grades. He attends an elementary school K-6. They have a fully equipped technology lab with 40 flat screen monitored computers, and an overhead projector complete with document cameras and streaming video from Discovery. Oh, and an on staff technology teacher. They have a library and full time librarian who is big on themes that inspire kids to read. This time it was decorated in movie popcorn theme with the catch phrase 'pop into a good book." They have a science lab for the 4th-6th graders complete with staff science lab instructor. They bring in city parks & rec folks twice weekly to organize games with the kids at lunch recess. They have family movie nights under the stars....on staff full time psychologist...on staff mostly full time health worker...it goes on and on and on...

I must comment on one final program which really demonstrated to me the school's commitment to their kids. They have what's called 'RTI' (don't ask me) which is basically a daily program where teachers pull kids who are either above or below the benchmark for their grade out of class together, and teach reading and mathematics to each group of children at their own proficiency level! This means the kids are learning at their own speed with kids their own age removing both the stigma of being with a different (older or younger) age group, and the stress/distraction of not being able to follow along or getting bored with the pace of the class. A-mazing!

Then I went up to LA to help my friend, the librarian at a Title 1 middle school in LAUSD, sort out the chaos left in her library by the previous tenant who had been parked on a stool all day, every day waiting out her retirement. What a difference mean income makes. But the kids who were helping me were awesome, and great little workers.

I picked up Jonny in the afternoon, who (it bears repeating), had an excellent day. We had dinner and got him ready for his weekend away.

In the evening I stopped at IKEA with Jonny to return a broken lamp, and ran an errand to Target to pick up some things we needed prior to dropping him off with his father. I went dancing with my sister, batted off horny, intoxicated men intermittently with getting my groove on, and had a generally good time. It was good to connect with my sister.

Day 12:

Saturday I spent some time at the local farmer's market in the morning, visited with my grandmother who is now 83, had a nap and a run in the afternoon, dinner with a friend in the evening, and worked on my story at night.

Day 13:

I lamented my last day of vacation, threw myself in agony and contrition on the floor, flagellated myself for not having accomplished as much as I would have liked, and then pulled myself off the carpet to make breakfast.

I cleaned up the house a bit, did some (unfortunately) *bs* work, did some *real* work on my story, went grocery shopping, made dinner, did the ironing, entertained Jonny's father, my sister, and my step-mother for Sunday dinner, ushered them off, got Jonny ready for bed, worked a little more on my story, and got into bed myself.

The only time I generally feel this exhausted is during the holidays. It looks like Christmas is coming early this year folks.

Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'

2009-09-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

Day 6:

Finally got some fitness in today, after two days off. Not good. It wasn't a great run. It was quite hot, I didn't hydrate enough, and having been up late the night before I was a little wiped. Still I got in about 2.7 miles - decent.

Had breakfast - Mmmmm tuna sandwich. Of course in the aftermath of Food, Inc. nothing is edible. There's something wrong with everything that isn't made from scratch from certified organic, free range, humane, farm fresh ingredients where the only way you know for sure that the source is pure is if you raise/grow everything yourself.

Made a trip to Book Castle second hand bookstore in Burbank. Got a few good anthologies to plug in massive holes in my science fiction collection - some Silverberg and Asimov must haves.

Worked on reading and writing into the night, started a reading/Q&A session with Samuel R. Delaney. Okay, so he's not Satan. But still close.

Tried to get through Pride & Prejudice (2005) but couldn't make it.

Day 7:

Woke up and finished Pride and Prejudice. Had some fun and relaxing and then watched a Frasier before running off to start dinner and be home for Jonny to return.

Had dinner with Jonny and some friends & family. Got him ready for bed, and then it happened - I became a VEGETABLE.

Day 8:

In the morning...more chlorophyll. Nothing but vegetationus maximus.

Got a call from Jonny's daycare about his inappropriate behavior. Being a parent is hard, and when your children don't go along with your idea of how things should work, it gets that much harder.

In the afternoon I did some 'work' work, which is never as much fun as *my* work, and then spent the evening going over emotion and solution cards with Jonny.

Day 9:

Had the babysitter come over early this morning as a test run for when I will need her to care for Jonny on days I need to go into work early. Her name was Brittany. She was great.

Took Jonny to the eye doctor - he doesn't need glasses yet, but may with time.

Worked more in the afternoon. And then this evening went to Jonny's daycare orientation, and to scope out his new classroom. Found it with no trouble. He's going to have a friend in class with him as our next door neighbor was assigned to the same teacher.

It's proving challenging to really build a routine of any sort right now as everything around me is in constant flux. Beginning Sunday evening 9/13 I should have the beginnings of my new "life order" so to speak, and will be able to really build up some momentum. In the meantime I need to lay the proper foundation for things to go smoothly - an organized house, (esp. the kitchen!, a child who can talk about his feelings, and clearly defined, attainable goals.

I had a surreal moment tonight, when I noticed that my schedule was somewhat topsey-turvey to many of those around me. I live in a large Middle Eastern community, and right now is Ramadan. Many of these families, while I folded laundry in my bedroom, were eating for the first time today, and plan to stay up eating a few hours more. The whole thought was triggered by a post from Mike Resnick on a friend's Facebook profile, which recalled to mind when I lived a graveyard life on swing shift hours, and I worked on and on while all the world was eerily quiet around me. I know I exaggerate but tonight that tiny, temporary difference felt like the last brick being mortared in and me all the while wondering where the hell is my f***ing Amontillado?!?!

And now I am tired...tired of being a vegetable, feeling lonely, penned in, stagnating. I have had it up to my ears with me. Mamase mamasa mamacoosa.

Book 25: Nightwings

2009-09-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

Finished this collection of three novellas by Robert Silverberg this afternoon while sunning at the pool.

The narrator won my immediate empathy and over time my affection with his fair mindedness. But it is not perfection - he recognizes his flaws and biases.

The prose flows in fantastic color and flourish, making the story feel much like a fantasy overlaying sf elements, which beseems a civilization whose once technological greatness has all but completely fallen into the magic of legend.

The future historical references and renaming and slight reshaping of our world give the story its page-turning pull. I wanted to know how things were the same, and how they had been changed. I wanted to see how this world was different from my own, and feel what it was like to live in it.

The narrator/watcher wanders from place to place, changing his role, but keeping his perspective, and I came to feel I was wandering alongside him. I would happily follow him through his next great post-renewal adventure. He seems like he'd be a good friend to have.

My only dissatisfaction was that the end feels like a cheat.

After the watch is over the watcher wanders, the flier flies, the proud fall, the wronged revenge themselves, the greedy glut themselves...there's no real indication throughout of any good people doing good things. Other than the narrator who follows his own moral compass, everyone seems to be out for themselves.

And then at the end like magic, but with no apparent impetus for change, a secret group of well wishers and do gooders and saviors of humanity come to the narrator, invite him in, and give him a purpose: to redeem the population of the planet, natives and invaders alike.

All I can think of are the fliers and the pilgrims and the watchers and the changelings linked arm in arm swaying to a lute accompanied rendition of "All You Need is Love." It strikes me as disingenuous, and I'm afraid my narrator friend is being duped.

But all said I liked the book very much, and am glad to have read my first Silverberg novel, with more to come. It can't be helped. With as many as he's written I will have to read another sooner or later.

Teach Your Children Well

2009-09-06T00:23:00.000-07:00

Jonny, I am realizing, has a lot of built in responses that don't make sense to me, but are normal developmental milestones for him, i.e. whining, crying, lying. It's important to ensure that while he's going through all this I'm reacting appropriately to teach him how to deal with his emotions, be cooperative and responsible, and have an overall more fulfilled and happy life.

I reread SARK's How to Really Love a Child, and plan on doing so every day to give me patience, and to remind me that I want to treat my son as though an external "me" is always out there watching, observing, and evaluating my behavior.

Also, I did some research online so I can better understand the stage he's in, and what behavior is to be expected insomuch as these things can be predicted. I found this useful feeling chart to help him understand what emotion he's experiencing, and these solution cue cards to give him good options for dealing with frustrating or difficult situations. About.com had an article (which links to many others) on specific 6 year old child development which led me to several other interesting articles, all very helpful.

Parenting is really just another skill, and I'm realizing where I fail in other areas I am failing here, too. I do not always make full use of my academic mind to research the help I need when I encounter something I don't know how to handle. But this has been a great exercise in seeking out information to become a better parent, and a more successful person overall.

I plan to graduate from 'Parenting University' with honors. But I'm still a little nervous about the fact that my son will be the one to give me my final grade.

Daddy's Little Girl

2009-09-06T00:03:00.001-07:00

Today marks the 14th anniversary of my father's death. I was 17 years old, just starting my senior year of high school.

Lots of questions come up when you lose a parent before you fully come into your adult life - questions seeking approval, connection, understanding. I feel my father was proud of me, although that pride was tainted by a feeling of loss. We definitely had a connection. I was always a Daddy's girl. As far as understanding, well I can only extrapolate, but I think I understand him more now even though he's gone, because I've gained perspective - as an adult, a parent, a spouse, a student of the world.

Whenever we would ask my dad a question in that last year, after the surgery had basically taken away his ability to speak, his answer would be 14.

"What color is the sky, Dad?"...14
"What do you want for breakfast, Dad?"...14
"What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow, Dad?"...14

I think this was his way of keeping the levity in the situation, relating to us in the same silly way he always had, despite his diminished capacity to communicate, and just connecting.

This year I find myself in the midst of a separation/divorce, much the same as my dad. My son Jonathan is the same age now as my little brother Jonathan was back then. And I am facing some of the same concerns and issues my parents did about raising a child (two in their case) in two households. As I am the one who moved out, I going through the same process my father did of rebuilding a home, and a life from the ground up. I am doing the best I can, as I'm sure he did.

So, how many years does it take for a hurt little girl to come to terms with her father as a real person, with real problems, and as someone who, despite mistakes, did his very best?

...14

I've Got the World on a String

2009-09-05T17:57:00.000-07:00

Days 3:

Thursday I took my mom and her friend Julie to Matsuhisa, came back and enjoyed the sun and the stillness of a quiet house, and then picked up Jonny.

We watched Zathura, which we both found quite entertaining, although a little scary at parts - especially the parts with the Zorgons and the broken robot.

The sadness and fog of the previous day melted away into the coolness of night. No long talk, no naval gazing. Just moving on.

Finally I was up pretty late trying to finish the last irritating bit of unpacking, and sorting out of various items to give away, donate, trash, or reorganize and repack.

Day 4:

Friday morning I woke up, got Jonny off to school, and went up to LA (again) to bring my teacher-friend, recently turned middle school librarian, some books and decorations for her new space. We had a short visit during part of which I got to see her in action speaking to some of the school's newest kids. Very cool.

I picked Jonny up from daycare where he had half-day dismissal. We went home to eat lunch, then to the local library used bookstore. We each spent some of our allowance on used books. We headed back home after that to go to the pool where Jonny made a new friend.

After the pool we had dinner, and headed up to drop him off at his Daddy's house.

After that I was able to enjoy some productive time, a jaunt to Blockbuster where I obtained Star Wars Episodes I-III, double disc editions, for in total $21.77, as well as watch an episode each of Frasier and The 4400 before retiring to bed. Incidentally while I am only just recently beginning to take advantage of this, Blockbuster has some really good deals on previously viewed DVDs - 3, sometimes 4 or 5, for $20 for example.

Day 5:

Started off with a nice breakfast, and then a visit with some family & friends.

This was followed by reading and working on my tan at the pool.

I was able to catch Food, Inc. in the theater - very good film, and eye-opening about the way our food is delivered to us. I was horrified by several of the images, and yet I was proud that in many ways I have made a change over to a more sustainable, environmentally and health conscious way of eating: eating organic, reading labels, eating whole foods and avoiding fillers and additives, eating in season, etc. Upon coming home I researched the local orange county farmers' market in my new area, and started to think about what I'd like to plant in my small garden area on the patio of my new apartment.

And now I am just trying to get a handle on the work left to be done to get my new and improved and somewhat chaotic life back into an order I can enjoy.

Life is a wonderful thing, as long as I hold the string.

A Foggy Day

2009-09-03T02:18:00.001-07:00

Day 2:

Started much the same as the first - with breakfast and getting one bakugan befuddled boy off to his daily romp at summer camp. From there it got hairy.

When I got home it was too late to go to the gym, as I had made plans with my mother to see Julie & Julia after lunch at a new chinese restaurant I wanted to try. So I did some work and some writing...a start on my goals, which was moderately satisfying.

We got to the Chinese restaurant in plenty of time. The service right from the off was less than attentive. But we ordered and the food was tasty, as I had hoped. My mom ordered a dish that came breaded to her dismay. I ordered the seared ahi which was lovely. Then it was time for the check. For over 10 minutes it was time for the check. After several attempts at "excuse me" and our waiter conveniently not hearing us three times and never even looking in our direction, I flagged down a bus boy and told him we needed to leave to catch a movie. He brought our bill and took our payment at once. We got a special trip to our table for a hasty apology from our waiter after the fact.

Despite the challenge with lunch we arrived for the movie on time. I noticed at 12:54 pm that the movie was 4 minutes late in starting. A moment later the manager came in and stated to the audience of about 10 that they were having trouble loading the reel and he would be back in 5 minutes to let us know if they were able to fix it. He came back. They were not able to run the film. We got two free tickets for a later use, and opted to go see Taking Woodstock instead. But still it wasn't what we had planned to see and so left us both wanting.

After that it was home and to the pool, which was nice, where my copy of Robert Silverberg's Nightwings basically fell apart in my hands, not so nice. After that I picked up Jonny from school - not so good day, followed by a not so easy discussion of said day. We got home and headed to the gym for an abbreviated workout while Jonny played on the playground outside.

Finish it off with some heavy naval gazing, and an intense, perhaps life changing conversation, and I am toast.

I view the morning with such alarm...

Feelin' Good

2009-09-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

Day 1:

Birds flyin' high...up at 6am.

I set up my wireless router and external hard drive - both work great. I am grateful for the help I got in selecting good models for both.

Next we got Jonny dressed, fed, and off to a fun day at summer camp.

Back at home I took my mom to the gym for a 40 min workout where I did 20 min (205 cal) of cardio and 20 min of weights (arms & shoulders). She stuck to the treadmill when she couldn't figure out the eliptical. The rails were too steep for her.

I should also mention that on the way to the gym we made a small detour at the office to point out a few minor repair items to the new place: a leaky fridge and a leaky tub.

After stopping back at home for a brief freshen up, I was off to therapy where I had an extremely insightful session, helped to be even more so by an equally insightful, very dear friend. (Will expand in subsequent entry.)

From therapy I headed to do my shopping at Trader Joe's, and then I was off to Ranch 99 market for a couple Asian specialty items. And then from there it was off to the ATM to deposit checks, and back home to unload groceries.

After that I went to the dentist for my four month cleaning/x-rays/checkup - all looked good. I managed to squeeze some reading in while waiting around. The verdict - I have 'good' read: overactive salivary glands that cause plaque to accumulate quickly in a few places, and as a consequence, I need to floss more.

On the way home I stopped to drop my car off to be detailed, and then, after finding out it would take at least an hour, I hose to walk home.

Whe I arrived all the repairs had been made to the apartment along with a few extras I hadn't requested. Pleased with the responsiveness of my leasing company, I headed with a cheshire grin and mom in tow to the pool to work on my tan for an hour and read (Currently: Robert Silverberg's Nightwings).

After about an hour I walked from the pool to pick up my car, which was not ready. I waited for about 15 minutes and then, after filling up my gas tank, drove to pick up Jonny.

From there it was back home to prepare dinner.

I enjoyed dinner with Jonny, my mom, and my Auntie. After dinner we sat and visited, which was nice since I had not caught up with my aunt in a while.
This evening, after a 'wake up' shower, spent some time (1.5 hours) writing, finally breaking through the block I've had in getting this one off the ground, and now after this update I'm off to bed.

...It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...FOR ME...

...and I'm Feelin' Good!

A Capital Day

2009-08-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

Gluttony - I used to eat too much, and when I stopped overeating, enough became as good as a feast, and yet, now enough feels like a binge, and I'm back on glutting myself...on a sandwich...because it has bread...and bread for me is as slop to swine.

Lust - This is what happens to a girl who's good in bed and isn't getting laid. I haven't had sex in...well...quite some time. Can you blame me my longings?

Greed - I finally have something of my own - a place that is just mine with my things and my rules and my ways, and I want everyone who has an opinion about me that isn't mine to stay the hell out of it.

Sorrow - I am deeply saddened by my failed marriage, by the suffering of others, by my inadequacies. But I carry on. Is that a sin?

Wrath - I have reclaimed my anger. Creation needs destruction. I can be an agent of balance in the world. You don't agree? You want to make something of it?

Despair - No fever, no chills, no pain...just the occasional overwhelming feeling that everything is bullshit and at the root of it all is me. At least I have one thing in my favor on my way to becoming a writer.

Vanity - There are days when I think I am pretty, and others when I think I am beautiful. Most days I think I am passable, and so while I am vain, I am humbled by my sense of my own shortcomings.

Pride - Yet whether despite or because of all I have experienced, I am proud of who I have become, and who I am becoming still.

The first 31 years have been sinfully rich. May the next chapter bring even greater scandal.

Since my last post:

2009-07-16T23:19:00.001-07:00

I have read a few select Hugo nominees and voted (Shoggoths in Bloom by Elizabeth Bear, Exhalation by Ted Chiang, Pride and Prometheus by John Kessel, and From Babel's Fall'n Glory We Fled by Michael Swanwick).

I have mapped out a bit (not enough) of my next story, although I had a break through tonight.

I have mapped out a bit more (pretty good) of the chapter book I'll be working on later this year.

I have lost a pound (9 to go), gotten back on track with cardio, and started resistance training. I also have the beginnings of a pretty bitchin' tan.

I have planned and executed my son's 6th birthday extravaganza, complete with Lego Party, Ultimate Edition Lego Millenium Falcon, and year passes and 1.5 trips to Disneyland (with another coming up this Sunday).

I have managed, despite my overactive amygdala, to further excel at work.

I have watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and was underwhelmed.

I have gotten a little behind on my goals but will continue to press on, on, on!

WOTF: 3rd Submission

2009-07-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

More news on the writing front. No warning, no email, no NOTHING. Being the paranoid, creative type, I was beginning to think my entry had gotten lost. Then BAM Honorable Mention Certificate right in the mail, just like that. Nice!

This marks my third consecutive submission to L. Ron Hubbard's Writers of the Future Contest, and my second consecutive Honorable Mention. I have high hopes for my most recent story submitted 06/30/09. I may still be in the afterglow, but at least for now in my recollection it didn't seem half bad. I hope K.D. Wentworth feels the same.

Well Begun is Half Done

2009-06-30T16:50:00.000-07:00

We're halfway through the year and well on our way to a satisfying 2009.

I've read 20 books, but only written two full stories, the second of which was just submitted today to my fourth consecutive Writers of the Future. For the first piece this year it seems I earned no commendation, but one Honorable Mention out of four with high hopes for this latest one is satisfactory. . .for now.

On the fitness front I am still plugging away at those last 10 lbs. But happy to be in the best shape of my life since childhood. If I can get halfway to my goal in 2.5 more weeks I'm rewarding myself with a month of tanning and a white bikini.

I have also been busily working at other things - getting set to move my son and I out on our own. We have a move in date set now for 8/21. I have made arrangements for my son's child care. I have selected the furniture I'll need from IKEA and planned my budget. Now it remains to transfer utilities, get statements, get my son registered for school and get moved.

I have set my schedule for the remainder of the year aiming to write a story every three weeks and leaving Nov and Dec to focus on writing the childrens chapter book I've been mulling over for a while.

I also have 6 months to get started on my list of holiday crafts and gifts.

I plan on spending plenty of quality time with my son now that I'll have him on my own Mon through Fri. We'll have dinner at the table together every night. I'm really looking forward to that.

All in all it's been a good first half and promises to get better.

June: Week 3

2009-06-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

Fitness: Ran every day (7 days) a total of 15 miles. Very pleased with that result. Some days I wanted to forget the whole thing, but pushed on stiff legs and all.

Reading: Still trudging through Notions: Unlimited and Transcend. It's not that either book is difficult reading, just dense. Transcend brings so much knowledge that needs to be assimilated and Notions: Unlimited is just good writing. I blew through Approaching Oblivion, but Harlan Ellison is no Robert Sheckley.

Here is a brief summary of my perceptions of each of the stories in Ellison's collection:

# Knox - I'm a writer so now I can say all the bad words I ever wanted to say and call it art.
# Cold Friend - The ugly girl will never get the guy no matter what the circumstances.
# Kiss of Fire - Man's destruction will bring us death in the end. And so will sex.
# Paulie Charmed the Sleeping Woman - Grief by horn...plentiful.
# I'm Looking for Kadak - One long, irritating fart joke...which is apparently Jewish.
# Silent in Gehenna - Revolution is kept alive by schizophrenia.
# Erotophobia - I told you so, gigolo.
# One Life, Furnished in Early poverty - Abandonment is inevitable.
# Ecowareness - The earth should eat wicked polluters for breakfast.
# Catman - Sex with machine or sex with mom, the bane of superhero dad! Oedipus 2072.
# Hindsight:480 Seconds - The poet is king.

Writing: Still working to finish this quarter's WotF submission due to be postmarked by next Tuesday. I will get it done.

2nd Week Sabotage

2009-06-15T17:08:00.001-07:00

Fitness: 4 days out of 7 running, no dancing (as planned...TWICE)
Reading: Completed Ellison's Approaching Oblivion (168 pages), and started Sheckley's Notions: Unlimited (10 pages); Did not continue with Transcend
Writing: Pretty much scrapped what I had on the story (it was CRAP) and am back up again to just over 600 words

Other stuff I did:

Planned my son's 6th birthday party
Made invitations
Attended my son's kindergarten graduation
Made a present for his teacher
Planned a graduation celebration for my sister
Attended my sister's college graduation
Made a feast of hamburgers, hot dogs, sides, etc.
Made two triple mousse chocolate cakes
Made a graduation present for my sister
Spent requisite time with the family
Cleaned the house
Made food for the week
Got my son prepared for his first day at a new day care...

...and got really down on myself for not meeting my goals.

Rejuvenating June

2009-06-07T23:32:00.000-07:00

I have been married before. I am married now, in fact, if not in spirit. And for better or for worse while my marriage may not last there are some things that will stay with me. I am much more discerning, for instance, than I was when I first married at the tender age of 23. And I am a better listener, too. In general I believe I am more respectful of others. I certainly have met some folks with whom I mightn't otherwise have become acquainted. I recall now one of the many characters that came into my life through my husband, however displaced - my sister-in-law. She drove three weeks across country to attend our wedding due to her fear of planes, a common enough phobia. Most others would not have been concerned over where to fit their luggage, but she pondered this issue with some difficulty, whilst a cadre of stuffed animals occupied the back seat, buckled in, next to the stockpile of canned corned beef hash and pepsi which would comprise her three week diet. It was, especially in light of such logistical challenges, a generous gesture to have come so far. That same generosity compels her to write detailed monthly accounts of the happenings of her life, sent to us wrapped up with clever alliterative titles such as Dastardly December and Frustrating February. It is in homage to my sister-in-law I entitle this update: Rejuvenating June.

Fitness: 5 days out of 7 (more detail next time)
Nonfiction: 70 pgs Transcend- Kurzweil/Grossman
Fiction: Completed Ray Bradbury's The Martian Chronicles (186 pgs) and started Harlon Ellison's Approaching Oblivion (16 pgs)
Writing: 1507 words (some writing/revising/writing/revising in there...despite my best efforts to avoid revisions in the midst of the "vomit" draft)

My goals for this coming week:
Fitness: 6 days with a more detailed account either by time or by distance or both
Nonfiction: 70 more pgs (Weehoo on hitting my goal!)
Fiction: Complete Approaching Oblivion and Robert Sheckley's Notions: Unlimited plus perhaps one or two other small texts
Writing: Complete the story I'm working on and get about 1000 words on each of two others also in progress

It's a tall order I know, but not impossible.

Doris Lessing said “For the last third of life there remains only work. It alone is always stimulating, rejuvenating, exciting and satisfying.”

If Transcend proves to be true, and with all that I am doing to improve my health and extend my life, I am still much within the first 3rd of it. But to know the satisfaction of good work at this time and age I hope will be the foundation of a final third the likes of which even my writer's mind cannot imagine.

Hobbling to Nirvana

2009-06-01T00:02:00.000-07:00

It just wouldn't be me if I tried to improve upon myself from my present state, slowly shifting and adjusting the bedrock beneath me into a firm foundation for growth and change. Nope. Not me. I come in rather, all bulldozers and wrecking balls, ready to obliterate myself and start again from fresh.

Even as a child I would find myself, awakened at 3 am by nothing more than a frantic need to clean my room, sitting amidst a pile of toys I had just turned out from my closet, sorting them piece by piece into their bins to make sure there was not a single Barbie shoe in the Lego bin, nor a single Lego brick within the Cabbage Patch diaper bag.

It's been a hellish day - physically, emotionally, logistically. I have torn myself completely to shreds. Tomorrow I start anew...again...in pain from the self inflicted beating, hobbling the path to enlightenment.

Never stay at the Hotel Chateau Dupre in New Orleans, LA

2009-05-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am still awaiting a a response from Jamie at the Hotel Chateu Dupre, where you should never stay because it is infested with bugs, their rooms are shabbily appointed, and their service leaves much to be desired, ESPECIALLY in addressing matters pertaining to their shortcomings! Ugh!

NEVER stay at the Hotel Chateau Dupre!

...

From: "Rachelle Vieages"
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:30:58 -0500
To:
Subject: RE: Chateau Dupre Stay

Ms. Fowler,

I will ask Jamie to handle your issues. I apologize that you felt my email was “combative”, but I felt I owed you an explanation based on each item of question.

Thank you,
Rachelle

Rachelle Vieages
General Manager
Hotel Chateau Dupre'
Ph# 504-569-0600
Fax# 504-569-0606
&
Historic French Market Inn
Ph# 504-561-5621
Fax# 504-569-0619

...

From: rebeccafowler825@yahoo.com
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:54:53 +0000
To: Rachelle Vieages
Subject: Re: Chateau Dupre Stay

Rachelle ,

Is there someone else with whom I can speak regarding my concerns? I find the email you've sent to be more combative in nature than what I feel would be the appropriate customer focused response of concern for my negative experiences.

To answer your questions:

I used the amtrak site to make the booking. Because the reservations are made directly through the site there was no opportunity within the process to double check the hotel site prior to booking and acceptance of credit card info. I later checked the direct hotel website as well at chateauduprehotel.com but did not make note of possible info that was missing or different. There certainly wasn't anything to lead me to believe the amtrak site had misinformation. The hotel signs and the binder of guest services in the room had wrong info regarding water in the rooms and the safes.

With regard to your pest situation that's great info, but really not my concern as a consumer. I don't care why they were there but just that they were there.

I asked if there was someone I could speak to regarding my dissatisfaction while I was at the hotel. I was referred to the website.

It's great that you've addressed the issues of the latch and the blinds, but why wouldn't I have been placed in a room where all necessary repairs had been previously made?

Your response seems to scold me for not having been more skeptical and/or aggressive regarding your establishment and the service I received.

Rebecca
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

...

From: " Rachelle Vieages "
Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:47:20 -0500
To:
Subject: Chateau Dupre Stay

Ms. Fowler,

Please accept my apologies as I have just received your complaints about the Chateau Dupre Hotel. I would like to ask a few questions because I am a little confused. What site or where did you book your reservation? I know that clearly the Chateau has never been a 4 star hotel as I read in the complaint. Also, we have not had a restaurant nor breakfast since before Christmas. All sites were sent the correct info and asked to update their sites, but many do it when they feel. I know that only 1 site is correct and that one is the hotel's direct site. I read a comment about needing to leave to buy water. Unfortunately, water does not fit in the vending machines that we have on property. They do have both vending and soda machines located off the lobby area. We do not carry bottled water at the hotel. Since the safes are not working and we are trying to replace them, we are waiving the $2.95 fee associated with this.

As for the cockroach (s), our pest service was just completed for the month when you stayed. I contacted the company to ask why you would see them knowing that they sprayed. They informed me that it's because of that very reason. These pests are trying to get away from the pesticides. I will say that New Orleans is a very unique city and these pests are able to get in the hotel in any way.

I do know that the drapes issue has been addressed and the latch on the door.

Did you speak to Minnie my assistant while at the hotel? I am just wanting to not over step if you have already spoken to a manager. If so could you tell me if your issues while there were resolved?

Please accept my sincerest apologies for your unpleasant stay. I would have responded sooner, but again I just received your complaint.

Rachelle Vieages
General Manager
Chateau Dupre

The cockroach was the last straw...

2009-04-15T20:30:00.001-07:00

Complimentary Continental Breakfast? In what restaurant? Apparently it closed down and the hotel never saw fit to let anyone know.

Personal safe in every room? What good is a safe that doesn't lock? And it wasn't just my room. None of them work.

Safety door latch? Broken. And apparently in need as it seems to have been broken by someone breaking through it.

Comfortable? Ambient? Well that depends if ambiance for you is fluorescent light streaming in from the parking garage across the alley, through the high window where the drapes are broken and hanging from the valance and so unable to completely close.

Clean, well kept rooms? Only if the maid happens to be a cockroach - 2 inches long and fast as the dickens. I called the front desk. No alarm there. Finally I caught it myself. Should have had it stuffed and mounted after the treacherous hunt, but I first would have had to let it out of the plastic trash bag. Yikes!

Combine that with the typical hassles of a happening city like New Orleans on the brink of a festival weekend, up to and including drunken guests trying to get into your room at 3am, wondering why their key is not working, and you have all the makings of hell on Earth.

But this hell will remain anonymous and privately my own pending a response from the management group to my now two emails decrying my outrage.

Careful consumers stand by!

Doing it the hard way in the Big Easy

2009-04-15T17:01:00.001-07:00

Two days' travel by the Amtrak Sunset Limited and we arrived yesterday, Tuesday 4/14, in New Orleans, LA.

We walked from the station to our hotel...a mile and a half.

[I'm not listing the hotel here, because at this point I am quite dissatisfied with the amenities, which are not as promised online. However I have written a communication to management and would like to give them a chance to rectify the situation before smearing their bad name on the internet in a searchable site.]

We walked to find a restaurant for dinner. Not knowing where we were headed we found a D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S! Japanese restaurant where we had the first vegetables we had seen since our trip began. The train is not big on vegetables.

We went home and Jonny tucked in for some sleep while I scoured the internet for free tours of this and self-guided tours of that.

This morning, Wednesday 4/15, we woke up early, got ready and headed out for a full day of sight seeing.

We walked to Cafe Du Monde for world famous beignets. He had two, I had a bite.

We walked back to Canal to catch the trolley car ($12 3-day pass) to Lafayette Cemetery where we received a free (suggested donation $6 each adult) tour from "Save Our Cemeteries" docent 'Adam' who was very nice and extremely knowledgeable about local history.

We caught the trolley again and headed to Audubon Park where Jonny made some friends and had some fun playing on the slide and jungle gym.

We walked a mile and a half to find lunch at a place called Jacques-Imo's but it was closed. Instead we found a Pupuseria where I had a yummy shrimp ceviche and Jonny had pupusas, black beans, saffron rice, fried plantains, and horchata.

We walked the mile and a half back to the trolley route, (slightly less - probably a mile), hopped on and viewed the mansions in the Garden District on the way back to our hotel in the French Quarter.

We spent the afternoon relaxing in the hotel, and are now off in search of food for this hungry boy.

More to come tomorrow!

Adieu!

Marching on...

2009-03-26T23:52:00.000-07:00

March has been terrible. January was quite productive. February started to slip away. March has been several leagues ahead of me, but finally I am gaining.

I'm easing up pressure on myself by reorganizing my goals here and there, and forgiving myself the things that have slipped a little: crafting, blogging, and having time for my friends.

Here's my March/YTD report card:

Complete 3 stories (1 per month): C+

I have started 4, mapped out 3 completely, and by month end will have finished 2. I give myself a plus only in light of today's "Honorable Mention" from WOTF Q2. I will submit Tue 3/31 for WOTF Q3.

Read 13 books (1 per week): C-

Technically next week is my week 13 of the year. This year I have completed:

.5. Fantastic Voyage (started late 2008)

1. The Joy of Living

2. Fiction: A Literary Anthology

3. The Demolished Man

4. Tales of Beedle the Bard

5. The Graveyard Book

6. A Wizard of Earthsea

7. Several Sherlock Holmes stories, 2 short stories by Octavia Butler (Blood Child and Speech Sound), 1 Black Widowers tale by Isaac Asimov, and a couple other stories here and there...

8. The catalogue of Earthsea stories scattered throughout various anthologies by Ursula Le Guin...

9. Make It So (partial)

10. Crafting Short Fiction (partial)

11. Putting It Together (partial)

12. Tombs of Atuan (in process)

Continued study of math, science, languages, etc.: D

I give myself a D here only because I cannot helped but have absorbed something over the course of the last few months, but my studies have not been spurred on by my own efforts. I have watched the occasional documentary, and listened to a few lectures here and there.

Spend more time with my son: B+

I have been doing a good job, but not great. There are still times when we're together that he wants more of my attention than I am giving. But our relationship is doing very well overall. We've been to Legoland, visited my grandmother, been on a few Sunday outings with my brother and nephew, had a slumber party, and several Mommy & Jonny days. This past week he's been sick, and gotten extra TLC for it. I was very proud tonight when he in one afternoon completed a week's work of classroom work and homework assignments. Quite the overachiever.

Reach my ideal body weight: C+

I started the year with 14 pounds to go, and now have 13 pounds to go. Not good progress, but progress nonetheless. A little better than passing.

Crafting/other creative endeavors: B+

I did work consistently on crafts throughout Jan and Feb, and here and there in March. This will just take a little more consistency.

For my 1st Qtr report card this was not so great. Let's just say I'm placing myself on restriction.

WOTF: 2nd Submission

2009-03-26T23:42:00.000-07:00

I found out today via email that I received Honorable Mention for my second ever submission to L. Ron Hubbard's Writers of the Future Contest. I am very pleased. And motivated, because just last night I felt ready to throw in the towel. Not like I would have though, because I regularly feel ready to throw in the towel when my writing is not going as well or flowing as freely as I would like. But anyway, there it is, a small comfort that something I wrote wasn't total bullshit. And of course, I made them spring for the certificate!

Pabulum

2009-03-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

Mmmmm, tasty. 757 words to put off the palate, and I'm tucking into bed. At least I have the promise of a full future to settle my stomach.

Feeding on myself...

2009-03-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

It's terrible to have spent several hours working on my writing this afternoon and to have ended with fewer words than when I started. I wish that I could have this kind of diminishing return when it comes to weight loss, rather than my creative ambition. Why can't cookies and cakes make you gain word count rather than pounds?

Reclaiming Ides

2009-03-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

Once looked upon as an auspicious day,

and each month's eve marked when the moon shown full,

lux shroud uttered Caesar's "Et tu Brute?"

Lex Caesarea discounting lunar pull.

A midnight walk in diffuse reflectivity

with my albedo healthy upon my breast,

I feel the curse of light to carry heat

giving my soulful murmuring to test

the idis in the ides within me meet

and over shadow wisdom gain defeat.